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CHRISTMAS 2000
The Year of the Dimpled Chad
Seasonal Greetings to all ex-subscribers to the journal formerly known
as Inkytext. And best wishes for the next millennium. (There's a new
one starting every nano-second.) Glad to see that you and I are prolly
still alive, if despatch and receipt of this can be relied on as proof
of at least virtual existence (which actually it can't). Herewith
accumulated deposits of bodily humours to entertain, inspire and uplift
you in this season of wind, rain, freezing temperatures. Even if only
by generating wrath, the temperature raiser that is the healthy
alternative to alcohol.
1. EDITORIAL: FUN, FUNDING AND FUNDAMENTALS
-------------------------------------------
Lancaster has just launched, with a minimum of fanfares, its latest
fund-raising campaign. We wish it well. Today's topic however is "what
entitles universities to seek goodwill benefactions?"
The distinction between British universities and companies is not as
clear as it once was. Both have their customers and products, both are
concerned with "delivery", both indulge in "marketing". Only universities
however ask for donations.
British Rail did not seek charitable donations, nor does Railtrack,
prolly wisely. Would one want to remember Microsoft in one's will, do
grateful ex-passengers and staff make donations to Virgin or
Stagecoach? How about hard-pressed companies that need it more: M&S,
say, Next or the Co-op? Why don't they ask for bequests or funding from
foundations?
I hear you saying that one must distinguish profit-seeking
organisations from charitable bodies. That's not quite it though. Some
erstwhile charitable bodies, eg. Lancaster Royal Infirmary, continue to
welcome gifts even after they have become NHS trusts. As for Camelot...
but I suppose you'll say a lottery isn't the same thing. Even private
individuals seek benefactions if the ad columns of Private Eye are to
be believed.
Would anyone in France consider making donations to the Sorbonne? To
ask the question is to invite ridicule. One might as well ask for
donations to maintain the Elysee Palace or the Eiffel Tower.
The incessant benefactions and legacies that guarantee American
colleges their independence are what everyone wants to emulate. Why do
they get them? And why is it mainly schools, churches and cat & dog
homes that get them over here? The answer is clearly sentimental
attachment, the "feel good" factor.
The question then becomes why do so many Americans "feel good" about
their colleges, while some (not all) of our own students and staff are
somewhat more cynical.
Strangely enough the answer seems to have something to do with what is
still called in the US "general" education and is the function of the
first degree. People can later recognize the value of their "general"
education and appreciate it. As British first degrees become
increasingly vocational, students adopt a much more hard-headed and
instrumental attitude towards them and their providers. Especially
since they are also already paying for the privilege. Perhaps that's
why the British are more likely to remember their schools and their
pets than their universities.
The appropriately seasonal message, then, seems to be love your
students and make them love you. That way rewards of sentiment may
later be manifested in material terms.
As for staff, however, we might increase the likelihood of
benefactions if we made more of a fuss of those who leave... and
reinstated the very modest sum that formerly funded get-togethers of
retired personnel and generated goodwill.
2. NEWS UPDATE FOR OFF-CAMPUS READERS
-------------------------------------
THE SURREALIST REVOLUTION continues apace. It is increasingly clear
that mighty Leo Chestov was the truly prophetic philosopher for our
time. His beliefs were a challenge to the principle of identity
("things are what they are" or "a red rose is a red rose"). Chestov
believed that things are also what they are not and may even be the
exact opposite, an advance on Hegel's notion of mere becoming. A red
rose is also a blue bicycle. Pedestrian minds find grasping this notion
requires some effort but it explains many mysteries of our time.
THE SEVERE FLOODING that preceded Intro-week had dramatic effects but
costs were taken in hand by our insurers. Commiserations to the
Planning Officer whose home was twice flooded and who is even now
living from a suitcase. Unfortunately the sports pitches have been
unusable all season and seem likely to remain so.
THE OLYMPICS brought Lancaster's first gold medal. Sprint cyclist
Jason Queally is now finding himself in demand as publicity fodder.
THE SHORTFALL IN STUDENT NUMBERS proved worrying, especially since
this seems likely to be a national trend. It has been compounded by the
more recent discovery that our graduate and part-time numbers have
fallen by even greater percentages. Urgent steps, though as yet modest
ones, are being taken to do something about this, though it's prolly
too late to have much effect on next year's intake.
VENTURE CAPITALIST and multi-millionaire Jon Moulton (Chemistry 1973,
Furness) was present at the highly successful Furness Birthday dinner
dance (250 guests). He made a controversial speech but has promised
money to the college. He stayed in another of his ventures, Blackpool's
Imperial Hotel.
ETYMOLOGY OF "CHAD": The Web site www.yourdictionary.com defines the
word as follows:
1. The confetti-like scrap punched out of cards or paper tape (also
"chaff," "computer confetti" or "keypunch droppings").
2. The perforated strips on the edge of paper for sprocket feed
printers after they have been separated from the printed portion (also
"perf," "perfory," or "snaf").
Etymology: Possibly from the last name of the inventor of the Chadless
cardpunch, which cut U-shapes in punch cards, rather than open circles
or rectangles. (The U's formed holes when folded back.) "Chad" would
then be a back-formation from "Chadless" misunderstood: If the Chadless
keypunches don't produce it, other keypunches must produce "chad."
The word appears to have entered the American lexicon in the late
1940s, around the time people began to refer to "bug" as a computer
glitch after a researcher blamed a moth among a group of vacuum tubes
for affecting ENIAC, the primitive computer powered by thousands of
such tubes, said Paul J Payack, president and CEO of
yourdictionary.com, which is based in California. That was also about
the time when IBM began using punch cards that warned users not to
fold, spindle or mutilate. NB It is invariable in the plural. [Courtesy
of CNN]
CONGRATULATIONS TO RELIGIOUS STUDIES on becoming the third Lancaster
department to get 24/24 in its TQA (Teaching Quality Assessment). Also
and equally to POLITICS, which last week received 23/24, thanks to the
outstanding effort put in by Gordon Hands. Politics celebrated in the
Boot and Shoe, inviting those Uni House staff who had helped assemble
the paper mountains required by this extraordinarily bureaucratic
process. It has to be said that assessors are a curious and not always
terribly distinguished breed. Also that standards vary: the nation's
medical faculties all seem to languish in the 16-18 zone.
THE DRAMATIC ARCHITECT-DESIGNED HITCHING SHELTER whose glass and
banded concrete so clearly evokes the adjacent Ruskin Library, is
another of these non-functional buildings that mark the millennium.
True, it offers shelter from neither wind nor rain and the new lane
makes it inaccessible to all except vehicles from the south that dare
to tackle the tyre-ruining rough pads that now protect the play group.
Now with an engraved logo on its glass side it seems to have killed off
hitching almost entirely.
OTHER BUILDING DEVELOPMENTS include the immense and controversial
water feature in the square between Fylde and the Sports Centre. No one
has yet drowned and when planting is complete it may be an improvement.
An excellent ramp improves disabled access north-south. Rumours that
the single helix fire-escape from ES is to be painted in the colours of
DNA.
THE REFURBISHMENT of seminar rooms and lecture theatres in Cartmel,
Lonsdale and Furness was a definite cosmetic improvement. Still quite a
few hitches to sort even now though, including excess furniture that
impedes access, tables too narrow for computer keyboards to be placed
in front of the screen and venetian blinds that utterly fail to
replace the (albeit ragged) former blackout curtains.
CONGRATULATIONS TO MIKE REYNOLDS (Management Learning) on his personal
chair. Likewise to Rick Auty (Geography), Annette Kuhn (Film Studies)
and Mary Hamilton (Educational Research).
EARNINGS: other than the VC we now have one member of staff earning
over 70K, six earning between 60K and 70K (up from 3 last year) and 26
earning over 50K (up from 21). No prize but correctly identifying all
of these before Christmas next year may prove beguiling. (You can get
the first 22 or so.... the remainder are trickier.)
PRAISE IS AGAIN DUE TO THE GOOD SHEPHERD and to his lieutenant on
earth Barry Ford who have turned ISS into one of the country's leading
networking centres. Barry's networking genius has devised the web of
line-of-sight microwave aerials and transmitters that now link schools
universities and FE establishments in all of north Lancs and Cumbria.
(You may have seen odd transmitters parked outside the ISS building.)
Prof Doug Shepherd is now chair of CANLMAN, which provides a cheap and
high-speed JANET feed to schools for less than half of what they paid
before. Dunno why we don't trumpet this louder, especially since it is
hoped to commercialize the process. PR MEMO: We should at least have a
clickable banner on all 1400 school sites that we are linking. Cheapest
publicity we could get.
THE PEACOCKS HAVE BEEN MOVED to a new home near Preston. With the
retirement of Dr Newman this was perhaps inevitable, especially since
complaints were increasing about damage they caused to parked cars.
Alas it also removes one of the distinctive, endearing and photogenic
features of the university.
THE SECOND PRODUCTION OF Cartmel's Tasteless Theatre Company's took
place in the Nuffield last Thursday. "Good Mourning with Pilchard and
Moody", morning TV as never seen before. The usual troupers included
Cal Giles and John Hughes, Alan Wood, Peter Scullion and more. Ground
Farce was a new gardening programme videoed by Dave Ingles and starred
an intriguing water feature.... and "How to be a proper woman",
involved a make-over which stretched the imagination...
THE LANCASTER SKYLINE is now dominated by the bulk of the huge
multiplex complex on the old Mitchell's brewery site between Market
Street and Church St. Ready in the summer. The bus station is still not
finished but is now due to come into use in late January. The
Millennium Cycle Bridge isn't finished either but has two splendid
support masts that evoke Lancaster's maritime heritage. Meanwhile work
has now started on converting the J&J Sports corner site into a new JD
Wetherspoon's pub.
3. UPCOMING NEWS ITEMS: THE AGENDA FOR 2001
-------------------------------------------
ALL EYES ARE GOING TO BE ON ADMISSIONS AND PUBLICITY as we seek to
buck national trends and increase recruitment, while at the same time
heightening our profile (preferably positively!) for the sake of our
new fund-raising campaign, masterminded by IMA. (A couple of criminal
trials early in the year may bring potential negative publicity even
though we as an institution are fairly blameless in these matters.)
EYES ARE ALSO on the new "health promoting" nurse unit, set to open in
the new year after lying idle for 15 months. Still some scepticism in
many quarters and hopes that an integrated health service may be
reinstated with early planning permission for a new Health Centre. A
belated welcome to new nurse-manager Caroline Slaski.
THIS IS THE YEAR OF ANOTHER RAE, these research assessment exercises
that are widely misused and misinterpreted but provide governments with
an excuse to apportion funds more and more selectively. Verification of
the data is being put out to commercial tender and the announcement of
results will be a present for next Christmas.
FAREWELL TO THE CVCP which has revamped its image by changing its name
to Universities UK and buying a new logo. No motto as yet. One member
speculatively suggested at their last get-together that "Craven but
cunning" would be appropriate. A colleague asked what on earth made him
think they were cunning.
A START IS EXPECTED ON THE LEC BUILDING, the Lancaster Environment
Centre, a massive new extension to the Biology and ES building which
will enable us to get the NERC funded Merlewood team on campus and will
provide world-classs lab facilities. This 10 million pound project is
being master minded by Mr McGregor and is being funded by NERC and
ourselves (4 m we would rather have got from elsewhere).
THE ANNUAL MEETING OF COURT in February is expected to debate a student
motion calling for us to rule out top-up fees once and for all.
ELECTION OF A NEW DEPUTY PRO-CHANCELLOR: it seems likely that this may
be a contested position, with long-standing and hard-working Council
member Mrs Clare Hensman as the "official" candidate and Green
transport campaigner Prof John Whitelegg as the student supported
nomination.
MINDS ARE ALSO TURNING, albeit with regret, to speculation about the
almost inevitable replacement soon of the Chancellor, now the longest
standing member of the university. Her devotion to her duties has been
exemplary and any replacement is unlikely to come so often or to give
us such long service or to provide so many photo opportunities. It is
thought that royalty is no longer likely to be interested. My
suggestions are likely to be thought unsuitable (Madonna, Richard
Branson) or unrealistic (Bill Gates). How about yours?
YOU MIGHT ALSO WANT to start looking around for possible
Pro-Chancellors to replace Mr Heron, whose term of office finishes in
2002. Ex-politicians are usually a good bet when one has publicity in
mind, but they have to reside reasonably locally. Dr Jack Cunningham is
not thought to be suitable.
4. EATERIES UPDATE
------------------
A local round-up. Il Bistro Morini (Sun St) remains the most
distinguished and authentic venue in town for real gastronauts. All
dishes cooked individually to order. Clean-cut and intense tastes, but
beware the cream. Prof Geary agrees and Prof Short is a regular. Only
wish we could afford the more upmarket obscure Italian wines on their
very impressive list.
Opposite, the Sun St Cafe and art gallery opened with no publicity and
became an immediate sell-out in the evenings. During the day it is a
kind of laid-back cafe-bar. Good value.
Bentley's Wine Bar (Brewery Arcade, Brock St) also opened in the
course of the year without publicity. Since you can't see inside from
the street it looks to be a dark and unpromising sort of place. It
isn't. The decor is lavish and reveals a an exciting, airy and
colourful set of spaces. Views are a bit mixed on the cuisine, which is
good value and attractively presented but possibly trying too hard to
be gastronomic.
Nearby, the Spaghetti House in Mary St (opposite the back entrance to
Walkabout) has its afficionados and a modestly Italianate type of
cooking.
The Folly Cafe, another art gallery, has started serving full meals in
the evening and again has a (priceyish) modern menu. Good for lunch if
you want to spend a fiver.
Not sure how El Paco's is doing. The genial chef from El Nido is doing
his own thing in the Farmers Arms hotel, but it looks a bit pricey
unless you get the set menu only available in the early evening.
Up in Hornby, the refurbished Castle Hotel looks splendid. The
restaurant is the most pricey in the area, as is the wine list, and it
has undisguised ambitions. They do a Sunday lunch in the bar for 9.95
which is prolly worth trying. For real pub style eating of class,
though, the Wheatsheaf at Beetham is hard to beat.
On the back road over the moors to Chipping, just before the former
pub known as the Bleasdale Moorcock, stands Calderbank House, a squat,
grey building where the former chef from No 6 Cafe in China St is now
serving upmarket dinners and lunches. Passing trade seems unlikely but
it deserves to succeed.
Finally, an experience perhaps soon to disappear after almost 26
memorable years, Pizza Etna (New St) where the Agliolo brothers have
reigned characterfully since 1975 Rosario and family are moving to
Glasgow next week and Domenico keeps threatening to retire. An
experience not to be missed and a welcome change from the bustle and
noise of our other Italian ventures.
5. WHERE ARE THEY NOW? THE CLASS OF 1990.
-----------------------------------------
Ten years on, 1990's graduates are zooming up the business ladder.
Julie Dawson (who tailored her own languages and economics
ultra-non-standard degree scheme) did an Executive MBA at London
Business School and is now Chief Operations Manager for Civista, a
high-powered new WAP business start-up. Julie previously worked for
Madge systems and CMC and is married to Dave Kehoe, formerly of IBM.
In France, Simon Barlow (French, Cartmel) has been producing a weekly
motor-sport magazine for Eurosport, but returns to football
commentaries in the new year. Meanwhile, even despite son Benjamin,
Sarah Clifft is Sun's marketing executive for southern Europe based in
Lyon.
And congrats to Art/French CM Mike Rumsby, also 1990, who is now
Managing Director of international PR house APCO's Brussels office.
Mike is also responsible for key clients including the development of
global PR strategy for one of Dow Corning's five International Business
Units and the management of Boeing's PR strategy in Europe.
Mike's experience on these and other PR campaigns includes the
development of internal communications programmes, publication and
newsletter production, crisis communications, trade issues related
campaigns, event management and integrated communications management.
Back in London, Anthony Murphy (Fr/Mktg), recovered from his head
injury, is marketing manager for a wine importer and Sharon Purnell is
in the New Business team at Young and Rubicam Europe, after handling
the Ford Focus launch campaign.
ENOUGH. OFF TO GET FITTER. A HAPPY AND HEALTHY YEAR TO ONE AND ALL.
PS Your Christmas present (the belated 2nd part of The Best of
Inkytext)may follow shortly, mail permitting.