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INKYTEXT 332 Part II
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PART II
Issue No 332b Wednesday 8th February 2000
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Editorial correspondence should be sent to InkyText@lancaster.ac.uk
Subscription requests to Inkytext-distribution-request@lists.lancs.ac.uk
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AGENDA
Part II follows and contains
4. Paris Itinerary (IV): Conclusion - Evening entertainments and final tips
5. Readers' Letters: Disneyfication, Suzie Maynard, Peter Silvester,
Apologies for absence, Translating Beowulf, Lancaster anagrams, Marcus
Merriman, Court and Statutes, Austrian situation, Robert Hewison.
6. Small Ads: Another Cleaner wanted, House-sitter available, Concerts,
Free Teak sidebard, House to let, Ski Salopettes wanted, August Moon,
Caton Cottage, Murder at the Grand.
MINUTES AND MATTERS ARISING
---------------------------
The Press Office points out that there was indeed a press release for
each of the new chairs named. Some may have been ousted from the Press
by other news.
Former University Secretary George Cockburn is anxious that no one
think him capable of having misused university funds and points out
that the generous provision of drink at their 1993 retirement party was
paid for by himself and his secretary Mrs Sheila Braithwaite.
Personally I think that's the scandal. The only abuse was committed by
the then Director of Finance, who carried off some cans to his office,
an action of which Mrs Braithwaite thoroughly disapproved.
Readers seeking back numbers can find almost all of them at the
unofficial archive long maintained by our honorary archivist:
http://www.maths.lancs.ac.uk/~rowlings/Inkytext/
This site also contains a pointer to the unspeakably brilliant,
infinite satire site, 'Inkylex', which allows you to create your own
Inkytext and is a creation of Ian Edmondson-Noble.
4. PARIS ITINERARY (IV): CONCLUSION - EVENING ENTERTAINMENT AND FINAL TIPS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well you were walking down the quiet Rue Bonaparte at the end of your
stay. Did I call it Rue Napoleon? My mistake. Go past the private art
galleries with single intriguing works in the window. Pop in if you see
something you like - no need to buy. You'll walk past the messy side of
the Ecole des Beaux Arts and come out on to the Quais just beside the
Institut.
This is the majestic domed building known as the Maison de Mazarin,
home of the Academie Francaise. No entrance for you I'm afraid, though
the public can use the adjoining Bibliotheque Mazarine next door, where
Proust once had his unpaid job as librarian.
Facing you again is the Louvre. This time the working wing that houses
the wages and pensions department, the Library, the Archives, the
Prints and Drawings department, the Ecole du Louvre. My bits not yours,
in the impressive rooms that Napoleon and Louis-Philippe dwelt in.
Between the Institut and the Louvre lies the Pont des Arts, an
historic footbridge for pavement artists that had to be rebuilt when
they created the _Voies sur Berge_, motorways along the quais. Walk on
to it and pause. On your right you see the Pont Neuf and the Square
Henri IV, a little park at the prow of the Ile de la Cite. On your left
you see endless bridges as the river curves round through the beaux
quartiers. Even (just) the Pont de l'Alma where Diana met her end.
Sigh, snap a few shots and take a bus back to base.
EVENINGS
--------
How are you going to spend your evenings? Eating of course, but what
else? Imperative: buy a copy of Pariscope from any newspaper stall. The
new ones appear on Wednesdays and cover the next 7 days. Complete
listings of films, plays, expos, concerts, etc with lots of restaurant
ads and suggestions for further _divertissement_.
The cinema is wonderful and in many cases no dearer than Lancaster. Or
how about a classical concert? The cheapest are in the churches, St
Merri near Beaubourg, the Madeleine, St Germain have them very
regularly. Jazz? You are spoilt for choice but it's all often a bit
crowded and smokey. Try Le Baiser Sale in the 1er (everyone knows it).
Can you cope with a play in French? Moliere's Ecole des Femmes and
Ecole des Maris are in repertory at the Comedie Francaise along with
Shaw's Heartbreak House. The 135 reduced visibility seats in the gods
are put on sale an hour before the performance at the back window.
About 30 or 40 francs each, but not recommended if you suffer from
vertigo or want to see what's going on. If you book online now you
should get a reasonable ticket for 12 pounds or so. Lots of wee
restaurants in the Palais Royal and Rue de Rivoli area for reasonable
pre or post-theatre suppers.
The nationalised theatre is extraordinary value in France. Lots of
them too. Don't forget my tip about Thursdays for next time. And
theatre includes opera. The new Opera de la Bastille is perfect for you
but I hear that Don Giovanni and Katia Kabanova are completely sold
out. Tip: try the Opera Comique in th 2nd - Salle Favart, largest
theatre in Paris, and Offenbach is more Parisian anyhow.
There are lots of little bars with music in the rue des Lombards (1er)
and the Caveau de la Huchette (in the eponymous street you know
already) is famous. Remember that in France admission to clubs and
cabarets is by purchase of a first _consommation_ or drink, which
includes the price of entry and (maybe) a seat. It may seem odd to pay
five or ten pounds for a coke or a bottle of beer but that's the
convention. Second drinks are usually cheaper but there's no need to
have one.
Tips: enjoy! Never try to be polite with anyone who stops you in the
street. Ignore them rudely, look through them as if they aren't there.
Polite people don't stop strangers in the street in France.
Carry a small bottle of Evian about with you: it saves spending a
fortune on drinks in cafes. You need cafes for their toilets though so
it helps to have an idea of what to drink. Too much espresso (the
cheapest thing) makes you febrile and you don't want to be permanently
sozzled either so it helps to know about soft drinks. Try a Vichy
Menthe, or a lait grenadine, or a Diabolo citron vert and enjoy the
colour of the syrups. The French are also obsessed by Schweppes Tonic
on its own. Failing that, Diet Coke ('Un Coca Lite, s'il vous plait').
Beggars: a huge problem. You must try to harden your heart. I usually
relent every 10th one on average, reasoning that at least 1 in 10 of
them must be real. It IS possible to fall through the social security
net in France and to be left without anything, so Christian charity has
its place. In the metro they are a real problem, entertaining carriages
that would prefer to be left in silence.
Men should keep just a few cards and notes in their trouser pockets
and stroll around with their hand on them. If your vestimenary
punctiliousness precludes this, then I think you want a handbag
strapped to your wrist. (An experienced and macho traveller like Prof
Osborne has one).
Women, frankly, should do as American students and carry things in a
bum bag strapped around their neck and hanging in front of them at
eye-height. Looks ghastly but works. Failing that put your handbag over
your shoulder and let it hang in front of you.
Women: If you are assaulted, flashed at, say, or rubbed on by a
frotteuriste in the metro, the important thing is not to curl up in
silence, embarrassment and shame like an English woman but to react
like a Parisienne.
Turn on the miscreant and point your finger at him, screaming at the
top of your voice: "You evil frustrated wild-pig, shit-eating son of a
whore, have you no shame? What would your wife say, eh? No, you're
prolly not man enough to have one. And your mother? Or is she a child
of Gomorrah too?"
Think that should be enough. Don't overdo it or you'll have the poor
man in tears and the rest of those present on his side. Let me know if
you need help with the French, but with the right intonation and
intensity I think English might do.
Right, well I think you can cope. You're on your own now. Let us know
how you get on.
5. READERS' LETTERS
-------------------
Has anyone noticed that the outline of the 3 attractive photos placed
centrally on the University's new Home Page is reminiscent of the
well-known logo of a large US-based corporation, taken from the outline
of the head a famous small rodent? Are we all now 'cast-members'?
(perhaps prudent to withhold my name please!)
--------------------------------
Another contribution to the correspondence following Marcus Merriman's
letter. I was appointed in August 1966, and unless one of us finds a
better way of passing the time we'll probably both be in full time
employment till the year 2007.
David Lyth, Physics
--------------------------
I, my husband and young daughter have planned a spur-of-the-moment
visit to Paris (going tomorrow for 3 nights). Have been re-reading the
instalments of your planned Paris itinerary for Stuart and Joan Riley
with great interest. Devastated to learn that we'll miss your final
tips. I suspect that having a toddler on tow (literally) may colour our
judgement on what makes suitable visiting, but many thanks for all the
suggestions.
Anne Lincoln
Kent Institute of Art & Design
[NOTE: Paris and the French are very geared to toddlers and privilege
them. (Even more marked pro-child attitude in Germany of course. In
Baden they have a saying that Die Kind ist der Konig = The Child is
King). They are especially welcome in all restaurants except busy
lunchtime ones for office staff. The Melodine self-service chain, of
which there is a vast underground one next to the Pompidou centre, are
highly recommended by me and toddlers. Also McDo of course. Pompidou
and Forum des Halles for you I think. Plus the parks and squares. NB
Beware of dog shit. (Ed.)]
-----------------------
In response to Dave Orr's lyrical and amusing observations concerning
the average student of French, one cannot but wonder what is it about
those (well... men) interested in all things French which leads them to
entertain a fancy of (unobtainable) women old enough to be their
mothers, dead writers, and, after the observations of last night,
handcuffing attractive young girls to bars? Just curious. Perhaps if
our learned friend were to read some true French classics (might I
suggest Asterix and Tin Tin, for example) he would come to foster an
interest in more stimulating pursuits ;-)
Suzanne Maynard
[NOTE: On a purely factual matter, Herge, born Georges Remi, was
Belgian. But I must defend dead writers. There's nothing wrong with
being dead, you know. Perhaps I should re-phrase that. I mean that the
mere fact of being dead is no impediment to being exciting, readable
and fun (although clearly it does not necessarily imply being any of
these). Voltaire, in particular, is along with Rabelais, joint patron
of this journal, coming in the hierarchy of our honorary sponsors
immediately below the Goddess Beart.
And since we mention Her, unobtainable women are, some would say, a
necessary inspiration that helps us through this Vale of Tears, though
a more sensible preference is admittedly for those almost young enough
to be one's daughter.
I do not know to what your reference to handcuffing refers, but can
assure you that there are in the world many people who never fail to
find it "stimulating" (your word) from one side of the cuffs or the
other. (Ed.)]
----------------------------
Very best wishes form the south coast at Bournemouth - enjoy the party
Frank Margrave (Ex SECAMS)
Bournemouth University
----------------------------
A pedant speaks! Apparently, Seamus Heaney, the Whitbread prize
winner, quoted a line from Beowulf, in his own translation, in his
speech accepting the prize. The line was apparently, 'Fate go ever as
it shall'. Now I don't know if the carousing journalists present had
too much wine, or whether this is poetic licence, but line 455 in
Beowulf surely cannot be translated in this way.
It is a defiant remark at the end of a speech in which the hero
contemplates death rather than victory in his future encounter with
Grendel. Klaeber, in the only scholarly edition of the poem, (3rd
edition 1950), notes that in the words Gaeth a wyrd swa hio scel! (his
exclamation) 'gaeth' is the third present singular of the verb. If this
is so, and Campbell agrees (OE Grammar, Oxford,1959), the line must
mean, in any translation, 'Fate ever goes as it must (go)'.
Beowulf makes a stoic and defiant close to his great speech. He defies
fate and its ambiguities which he knows are already determined. As for
the reduced form of 'sceal' being translated as 'shall', because it is in
effect a modal, surely the argument is that fate is again determined
and not subject to uncertainty in itself.
Uncertainty is there for the victim of fate, for Beowulf at this
moment. But he knows the outcome is beyond his control and is already
decided. Hence the stoic dismissal and indifference to the outcome,
much as he wants victory. I haven't seen Heaney's translation yet, but
it's a bit worrying to see two elementary errors in one line. Perhaps
we could buy a copy for the library and look into this more closely.
Tony Gilbert
-----------------------------
I had hoped to join you this afternoon and help you to celebrate.
Sadly I won't be able to make it, but will reflect on how valuable
Inkytext is the University (and especially to me personally as a lay
officer) I wish you well and hope you will continue to provide the
comment, communication and challenge that is so sadly lacking in much
of the rest of the Institution
David Martin (Deputy Pro-chancellor)
--------------------------
I can't be at your party, but will have a virtual glass of red with
you all.
Steve Pumfrey.
---------------------------
Lovely idea, having the party. Boy, am I glad I made it. What the fuck
has happened to collegiality in our fucking University? Guys
having fun? Ah well.
Tell your correspondence ranting on about Adobe that you make a c with
tail very easily in WORD: is done by holding ALT and punching in 135. A
Capital is done by holding alt and punching 128.
However, I cannot for the life of me think of any French words with
begin with a c cedilla. Can you?
Comme toujours,
Marcus Merriman
[NOTE: How about Ca for a start? The commonest reason for people
claiming that the ALT plus numeric kepad doesn't work is that they
don't have NUM LOCK on. (Ed)]
---------------------------
I enclose a few anagrams on "Lancaster University" that your gentle
readers might find amusing or interesting.
An instructive slayer.
Uncertainty as silver.
Instructive analyser.
Curse It! navy latrines.
Castrate sunny, virile.
Tiny, natural services.
It isn't cruel, sane vary.
Tyrannic values tries.
Crest vainly urinates.
Try sunniest cavalier.
Rival unnecessary tit.
Nasty, trivial censure.
Tyrannic, versatile us.
An evil security rants.
Curses! a tiny interval.
Reveal scrutiny saint.
Nutty rivals increase.
Arty, inverse lunatics.
Irritants envy clause.
Is a relevant scrutiny.
Tyrannic suit reveals.
Curse It! an arty snivel.
Is tiny, rascal venture.
Nicer trusty as an evil.
Nuts! cranial severity.
Insanity cures travel.
Tiny, valiant rescuers.
Tyrannic sale virtues.
Vincent Golden
Illinois Institute of Technology (Chicago)
-----------------------------
At a seminar called "Stress and Disease" by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an
expert in psychobiology, he gave an example of a coping skill for job
stress which you and your readers might find useful. When you have had
one of those 'Take This Job And Shove It' days, try this:
On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a
rectal thermometer made by "Q-tip". Be sure that you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down
on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer, remove the
thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will
not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that
accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small
print the statement that says "every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip
is PERSONALLY tested".
Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am SO glad that I
do not work in quality control at the Q-tip company."
Yours in (relative) job satisfaction.
Peter Silvester
-----------------------
On the long train journey back to the South East, where such qualities
as loyalty to a person, much less an institution, are regarded as even
more bizarre than they seem to be in Lancaster these days, I mused on
this a while then threw myself into a 'debriefing'.
I had, of course, just been defeated on every count at that decorous
and polite gladiatorial forum, the Court of Lancaster University. I had
even spoken up during the debate on statues revision and my view that
Council need not be decimated was apparently regarded as insane or at
least wrong.
The Pro-Chancellor was either stating that the Privy Council were only
exercised by proposals to change numbers on Council if the proposals
were _actually_ put to them, or that Privy Council has a policy of
holding _all_ changes proposed to statutes to ransom over the issue of
numbers on university councils.
The former interpretation leads me to suggest that we not bother
putting changes to the numbers on Council in the proposals. The latter
describes blackmail. Perhaps Mr Heron can expand on what he actually
meant. [NOTE: Don't think he reads this. (Ed)]
I felt some small gratification that the UMAG wheeled out its heaviest
gun against me: Nick Abercrombie (his only contribution to the meeting
by the way). I felt even more gratified by the chorus of disapproval at
various of the changes proposed by the statutes revision committee.
Howeever these changes, once finalized, need to be agreed at two
meetings of Council, separated by at least a month and no less than
three months. There are no provisions for amendments between the
meetings and if the proposals fall at the first meeting, it requires at
least another two to pass them. Oh yes, the majority required is
three-quarters of those _present_ and _voting_.
That is, with a full complement of 42 (not likely if only because that
includes Princess Alex...), a dissentient vote of 11 will torpedo the
proposals. At 35, the effective dissentient vote falls to 9. At 30, the
rebellion needs only 8. Oh dear. Add up the graduates, the assistant
staff, the county councillors and the students, then throw in a few
rogue co-opted members, and it all goes to pot.
Nick Bardsley
----------------------
A few years ago I met an Austrian Trade Unionist, Beatrice Wehinger,
at a conference, and have kept in touch with her over the years and we
became good friends. I wrote to her the other day to ask what's going
on in Austria from her point of view, and here's her reply. I don't
know what else I can do - what could we have changed if we'd have had
email in the late 1930s? Please include her email address so that
people can contact her directly as she wishes. The website addresses
she quotes give latest news articles about the anti-racist movement in
Austria including downloadable live-at-the-time audio files.
Fiona Frank, CSET.
From: b.wehinger@magnet.at
"Dear Fiona,
The things that are happening in Austria are worse than we
could have imagined. Just one new example: a journalist froman Upper
Austrian newspaper got sacked on the grounds that the publisher did not
like what he wrote about the new government.
It is a good thing that the other countries do not accept what happens
in Austria, and I hope that these protests will get even stronger. It is
frightening to see how many Austrians get more and more used to (and use
themselves) a fascist, racist language and they do not even care about
the dismantling of the whole social system we have now. Personally I
think that the Austrian media are partly to blame for the rise of the
FPO,because there were articles titled e.g.:'how dangerous is Haider?'
with a picture of smiling, tanned, 'sunnyboy' Jorg Haider, and this
worked especially for young people.
I hope that the ban against the Austrian governmentfrom the other
countries will not stop, (not that the FPO cares,but maybe their
coalition partners) and that you do not forget that there is also the
'other Austria': lots of people who are very concerned about what
happens, and will find ways to fight against these developments and that
we need your solidarity now.
There are some informative webpages,although I am not sure how much is
in English,I give you the adresses anyway: http://www.icare.to/audiorep2.html
http://www.t0.at.gettoattack
I would be interested what people talk about Austriain your country,
so keep me informed, please. Trixi"
---------------------------------------
Many thanks for your Ruskin reviews. I am glad you are able to
contribute to the Ruskin library's ever growing visitor numbers. How
many other Lancaster seminars make it into feature articles in the
Guardian? Ruskin had a very happy 181st Birthday last night. Michael
Wheeler was presented with a Ruskin volume ARROWS OF THE CHASE.
Robert Hewison
----------------------------
6. SMALL ADS
-------------
SEMI-DETACHED, THREE-BEDROOMED HOUSE, Chapel Street, Galgate. Full
central-heating, unfurnished, available on an assured shorthold
tenancy. References required, deposit required, full details on request
from Richard Taylor at Peill & Company, telephone (01524) 841230, email
address: Richard@peill.freeserve.co.uk.
--------------
HOUSE-SITTING OFFERED. ARE you going away for the academic year
2000-2001 and need your house looking after? I'd love to keep your
plants watered, cats cuddled, dogs walked, books respected, and house
wholly functioning in return for freeor reduced price accommodation.
I'm a sane, domesticated woman writer/lecturer (50) who will be
studying cultural studies/sociology full-time at Lancaster from Sept
2000 - summer 2001 and needs a base. Phone 01706 810 443 or email
jo.stanley@dial.pipex.com.
---------
WANTED: SKI SALOPETTES SIZE 14, to borrow or buy cheaply! For our
teenage daughter going on a school trip to Austria in half-term. Please
telephone 01524 791510 or email h_armer@hotmail.com
**************************************
Lancaster University Chamber Orchestra
Lent Term Concert - Tuesday 15th February
Great Hall Lancaster University - 1:10 pm
Mendelssohn - Hebrides Overture
Bartok - Rumanian Dances (Small Orchestra)
Arnold - Little Suite for Orchestra
Leader - Anne Beresford
Conductor - Andrew Morley
**************************************
TEAK SIDEBOARD going FREE to a good home - all you have to do is
collect it from nr. Garstang! Features: cutlery drawer, drinks cabinet,
double cupboard with shelf, 3 small drawers, shelf/display space. Ideal
for storage. Pretty good condition. It's approx. 1.3m high and similar
width. Ring extn. 93693 or email k.crameri@lancaster.ac.uk if you're
interested.
-------------
Arc Promotions & Karmeleon Productions Proudly Present
AUGUST MOON
+ Frantic and Inddaloo
Live at
THE WITCHWOOD
Ashton-u-Lyne
Tuesday 22 February 2000
For further information Tickets/Coach details Contact (01524) 851704.
------------
COTTAGE TO LET: CATON Two bedroom cottage to let. Quiet location,
excellent condition, off-road parking, pleasant garden backs onto Lune
valley cycleway to Lancaster. Close to useful village shops and
amenities. Only 15 minutes from the university by car. 400 pounds +
bills p.c.m.. Contact Mrs S Mason 015242 61382
--------------
A MURDER WILL TAKE PLACE EVERY EVENING ON THE FOLLOWING DATES:
Tuesday 15th - Saturday 19th February at 7.30pm
At the Grand Theatre in Lancaster
When the Lancaster Footlights present
AGATHA CHRISTIE'S THE HOLLOW
Tickets 3pounds 50 - 5pounds 50
For more information please ring the box office on 64695.
---------------
READING WEEK COMING UP - YOU MAY HAVE TO READ SOMETHING ELSE