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INKYTEXT 322: Christmas Issue
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NOW WITH ADDED STEROIDS
GOODWILL ISSUE: SEASONAL GREETINGS TO ALL READERS EVERYWHERE
The bad news can mature with the worse until the new millennium
Issue No 322 Thursday 23rd December 1999
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Editorial correspondence should be sent to InkyText@lancaster.ac.uk
Subscription requests to Inkytext-distribution-request@lists.lancs.ac.uk
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APOLOGIES FOR THE SILENCE AND HEALTH SERVICE UPDATE
The Editor has spent the past ten days in Ward 1 of the RLI and
emerged at lunchtime. This has enabled him to engage in
up-to-the-minute research into the readiness of the local NHS for
Christmas and the Millennium. Rest assured: delighted to report that
you can collapse with confidence, at least in Lancaster.
Many thanks to Sisters Kathy Boit and Lynne Lawson, Staff Nurses Helen
Park, Linda Speak and Ali Moran, Nurse Michele Bulger and numerous
others whose names I never learned, Student Nurse Ellie Sowerby, all
guided by consultant Dick Willey, PRHO Dr Thomas Acciatini (from
Hanover despite his name), and especially Dr Clare Taylor, by courtesy
of whom this issue appears.
Ward 1 is a convivial place, despite the fact that most occupants
can't talk, walk or breathe much of the time and some are often only
marginally conscious. During last week's official mayoral visit, an
astonished Mayoress, Mrs Silvia Rogerson, remarked that she did not
recognise the editor without his 3 days haggard growth. (This shaven
look was the result of SN Moran's constant nagging).
The editor and Dr Colin Hannaford (now making a splendid recovery in
Ward 34 and to whom every good wish) were briefly in adjacent beds.
Many thanks to my family, visitors Naaman Kessous and Doug Shepherd
(with son Harry now towering over us). Staff Nurse Jane Hunt (wife of
Barrie in Chemistry) is looking after Ward 34 and Mrs Easton,wife of
Geoff in Marketing, looks after hospital social services. Also spotted
Peter Lee emerging joyously from day treatment, and deputy-beadle Jock
Sutherland, recovering well and as difficult to live with idle as I am
says his wife.
Colin's place was subsequently taken by another Colin, astonishingly
youthful 78 year old autodidact, Colin Waite, a former garage
proprietor in St Leonardgate, Desert Rat, member of Lancaster Chess
Club, concert-goer, opera-lover, PROUSTIAN, a leading candidate for the
title of best-read man in town. Like the character from Wilkie Collins
he seeks solace for all of life's ills by re-dipping into Robinson
Crusoe. (And his singer-songwriter son in LA, John, famous for 'Missing
you', has had three number one hits in the US - you can verify it via
AltaVista!)
The food continues to arrive hot and taste remarkably good on the
whole - the soups and puddings are excellent, the veggie dishes still
need more imagination. Y2K plans are in place. Black mark to local
management who have imposed a millennium pay-deal without agreement.
For the night of the 31st staff get extra payment of 1 x their usual
rate in addition to their (bank holiday rate) pay, subject to a minimum
of 15 pounds/hour. The Union points out that this is less than the 5x
normal rate agreed in Cumbrian, or the flat rate bonuses of 150 pounds
per shift agreed in Yorkshire Area
1. EDITORIAL: PROFESSION FOR THE MILLENNIUM
--------------------------------------------
[Two planned editorials, 'Mushroom Management', on changes in
Buildings and Estates, and 'Where are we going and why?' (a critical
appraisal of our strategic managers and corporate plan) have been
judged sour, waspish and unseasonal. Perhaps next time....]
In last week's Times Simon Jenkins yet again magisterially lamented
the abandonment of professionalism inherent in the modish mania for
bench-marks and league-tables in every field. These are blind new gods -
legislators, arbiters, authorities on righteousness. They take what is
and pretend to be able to derive from it what ought to be.
Never forget that any table beginning "Cambridge, Oxford, Imperial"
and ending "Napier, Luton, East London" is by definition crass,
fatuous, silly, intellectually insulting and futile. It exists only to
purport to justify whatever funding changes its begetters had in mind
in the first place.
Professionalism means the exercise of dispassionate and objective
informed judgement in the light of experience and within a framework of
acquired knowledge. Alas only the profession of government minister,
one which singularly lacks most of these desiderata, is currently
allowed to act by its own lights. Or lack of them.
But professions have a murky history too. It is perhaps
over-puritanical to see their members as universally self-interested,
but are there really unimaginable idealist reasons why anyone should
become an accountant? (To help starving bankrupts perhaps?)
In recent millennia the law has seemed too often a circular and
casuistrous end-in-itself. The military era is not yet gone but
soldiering provides too many examples of authoritarianism to be a hope
for the future. Theology is in eclipse, medicine and engineering are
being replaced by computers, as for teaching, especially in
universities....
Which profession then, by its members interpersonal relations,
character and style of self-government, provides the best model for the
future of working relation, and even political ones, in the new
millennium.
There is one profession whose members are hard-headed and pragmatic,
non-sentimental, marvellously cooperative, even-tempered when roused
beyond endurance, patient, good-humoured (usually), yet characterful,
utterly individual. Even happy. Stoicism, equanimity and initiative
rule.
Its members all know what they know and what they don't. They can
follow a rigid routine despite endless interruptions. They think.
Although more hierarchical than the Vatican, upper ranks collaborate
with lower in the most menial of tasks. Collaboration is indeed their
key characteristic. And at least no one is in it for the money.
You've already guessed that I'm talking about nursing. As Nurse Ann
Duncan (formerly of The Trading Post) remarked, "at the end of the day
somebody says 'thank you' and you feel they really are genuinely
grateful for whatever little it is you've done".
To act in a way that produces such a result is perhaps not a bad
millennium resolution for all of us. For the brief and paltry fragment
of the next millennium that we shall endure, some may prefer the
guidance and comfort of accountants, consultants and engineers.
Personally I'd rather have a nurse.
2. NEWS
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BEST WISHES TO BOWLAND PRINCIPAL LOUISE BANTON, now on maternity
leave. She plans to be in Bowland 2 days a week after the birth
although Joe Thornberry, as Vice-Principal will officially deputise.
She' ll be officially' in the middle of June in time for the Graduation
ceremonies. Meanwhile, to ensure the College doesn't lose any momentum,
Bowland will be undertaking a strategic planning exercise during the
Lent Term to review its activities and where it intends to focus its
development activites over the next 3-5 years. This will involve
various 'teams' of people from the JCR and Syndicate (including me!)
and a structured 'plan' should be available for proposal to Syndicate
in the summer.
BEST WISHES TO DAVID EGGLESTON, an ISS technician in the Management
School, is on sick leave with a work-related illness.
PRINCESS ALEXANDRA VISITS COUNTY COLLEGE: EXCLUSIVE. The Chancellor
visited County College on the 9th December, exactly 30 years from the
day she opened the college when it was officially presented to the
University by the County Council.
She arrived at 10.45; the weather was very windy, but luckily the rain
which had been falling overnight had abated early that morning. On the
way into the College she briefly inspected the stone in the college
entrance which commemorates her visit 30 years ago, but the westerly
was too strong for more than a short pause. She then joined a group of
about 25 students, college staff and college officers in the College
Quiet Room for coffee and biscuits, provided by County Snack Bar. The
Princess spoke with everyone present, and was almost a half-hour behind
schedule when she left the College (to visit the Ruskin Library).
Principal Martin Widden had invited the Princess to visit the College,
expecting that she would come on the day of the higher degree
ceremonies, the 8th December. However her visit would have had to be
fitted in between ceremonies and would inevitably have been rather a
rushed affair. She decided to stay over until the 9th and visit us on
the exact 30th anniversary of the College's official opening.
OPEN-PLAN FOR THE FINANCE OFFICE: as if especially to annoy Dr
Lazarus, yet more wall are being demolished in the Finance Office (even
though numerous requests for minor works have been turned down
elsewhere.) Distinct feelings of deja-vu. Finance staff views are not
known of course (but strongly felt!)
OTHER NEWS: Chemistry transfer goes ahead and we keep student numbers
till 2002. Council approves spending our 4m from our 5 percent
surpluses on a revised environmental sciences expansion, APC very
cautious about the move. Amazing job definitions for the new posts in
Buildings. The Venue a roaring success in opening week, but logistics
of the servery area make service very slow. Lots of bad news... but it
will have to wait.
3. GUEST CONTRIBUTION: Christmas Puzzler by Jeremy Boreham
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The answers to the clues below are all names of towns and villages
around Lancaster and Kendal. Entries close on 31 December 1999 at
23:59. The winner (first correct entrant, or best try) wins a bottle of
Inky-accredited 1996 Conder Green damson wine. Send your answers to
J.Boreham@Lancaster.ac.uk
[NOTE: The wine really is remarkably good. Closing date put back to 6
January because of delay, Jeremy permitting. (Ed)]
1. Leader of warmongers
2. Dry spot, by tradition Mount Ararat
3. Sardine paste
4. Reverse of mosquito's handkerchief
5. Philosopher famously stuffed in Bloomsbury
6. Mild depression
7. Lardy mix
8. Summon Hamish
9. You might meet this demise in the valleys of Lune or Kent
10. Root vegetable followed by smoked pork
11. A Kent crossing for cattle, perhaps?
12. Stroll in mid-March is badly organised
13. The ocean's a better location for this than was Marineland
14. Did Richard leave here for urban prosperity?
15. River dwelling
16. Point at heart of deranged Dalek
17. Cause for caution when embarking
18. These rabbit holes are adjacent
19. Criminal touches down
20. Vernacular yob falls into line
21. Sing out of tune
22. Rev. Spooner's choice of skein
23. Loner beheaded owing to theft of 5p
24. Weatherproof back entrance
25. Whisked drinkable yolks
4. READERS' LETTERS
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InkyText orthography is only marginally peccable, despite the
breast-beating in Issue 321 about accept/except; but could we hope for
a principle of no acronymization without explication? "ISS" appears
twice in that Issue with no gloss. It's disturbing for those of us who
feel we've only just left the place (December 1984 in my case) to find
all these innovations cooked up quietly while we're away.
Geoffrey Sampson
Uckfield, Sussex
[NOTE: Sorry. It was Computer Services in your day, now Information
Systems Services. (Ed).]
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You had a spate of anagrams a while ago. Have you seen this one? Could
it be telling us something?
Year Two Thousand :A year to shut down.
Peter Silvester
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Not quite sure I'm up to date with the latest on the health centre,
nurses etc. so this may have completely lost the plot but, given the
latest groundswell of support for a more gourmet approach to campus
catering, I did muse on whether we couldn't turn yonder building into
some form of restaurant. Further to walk admittedly (though not a bad
walk) but well worth it - people might even choose it in preference to
real restaurants and, for campus fare, that would be true salivation.
It would also be enviously equiped to deal with the the next food
safety scare...
Stuart Andrews
Theatre Studies
----------------------------------
I was not present at the Ming Campbell dinner, but as a Liberal
Democrat, I cannot say that I was surprised that you considered his
views on defence 'illiberal'. Ming Campbell is a formidable
parliamentarian and a good Liberal on many issues - but for his
attitude on matters of defence and security he has earned the nickname
'Ming the Merciless' within the Party.
I'm quite sure that during the cold war, every Party needed a Ming
Campbell - if only for purposes of deterrence - now that the cold war
is over, I believe it is time that we unilaterally decommissioned our
Ming.
Incidentally, did he make any mention of why he decided not to stand
for the Leadership?
Tim Farron
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I should like to thank Marcus Merriman and all his contacts at
Lancaster University for the donation of the Amstrad computers which
you brought to us. You will be glad to know that I have been able to
put together five complete working sets over the weekend, and that I
can once again get across my entrance hall! You will also be glad to
know that our latest young languages volunteer has been had an
excellent first tour of duty in Cameroon, and that the workshop
designed to receive the equipment we are collecting is, very basically,
complete.
As you know, our aim is to support development in a forest area of
Cameroon, where very few aid agencies venture, and which is very
difficult to work in compared to the highland areas of Cameroon which
most English visitors know. We have a particular interest in devising
development which will benefit children in especially difficult
circumstances. We support volunteers going from Britain to work there,
who mediate and progress our work.
I think that we really have enough computers now, though we will still
receive offers, especially of Amstrad PCW 8512 with working b drives,
modems (for PC's), mice, hard disc drives, and legitimate software
(with licence etc) for older computers.
Our next challenge is to complete our shipment, for which we need:
lighting (eg strip lights, cabling, low energy light bulbs, switches
etc); heavy duty rotary petrol mowers and agricultural tools and
equipment; plumbing materials and equipment; tools; trailer components;
indeed anything which can be used to create productive, educational and
administrative capacity.
We call our little network "Mustard Seed", and we have the use of a
charitable account with the World Development Movement Trust,
Registered Charity Number 1064066
Happy Christmas and New Year
Patrick and Mandy Phillips
46, Abbots Way
Newcastle
Staffs ST5 2EZ
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4. SMALL ADS
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**************CAR FOR SALE******************
Rover 800 Vitesse Turbo fastback, in blue metallic with Recaro leather
seats. Very high specification and in excellent condition ?5795 Contact
ablebuild@postmaster.co.uk or tel (01524) 418667 or 0836 694483
**********************
English tutor wanted for part of A level English Literature syllabus
to teach intelligent and enthusiastic 17 year old. Please contact
j.hunt@lancaster.ac.uk, tel 01524 59273
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FOR SALE: Limited Edition 1.2i Vauxhall Nova Expression (only 4,000
made); 1993 (K-Reg), white 3-door hatchback, two lady owners who have
driven only 21,000 miles between them; full service history, taxed
until Feb 2000, MOT 'til August 2000, excellent condition. Impending
addition to family forces sale. 2,600 o.n.o. Contact
l.banton@lancaster.ac.uk; ext. 92108
*****************************************
LARGE 2 BEDROOMED MAISONETTE in centre of Hest Bank, magnificent views
over Morecambe Bay. Gas central heating, 50 metres away from local
shops/post office. ?450.00 per month. Telephone ext. 92183 Monday's,
Tuesday's, Wednesday's any other time after 6.00pm telephone 015395
61050.
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RESPONSIBLE COUPLE (in 30s) require furnished or semi furnished
accommodation near to centre of Lancaster from January/February for 18
months. Must have space to securely store two bicycles; GCH, washing
machine, garden would be an added bonus! References available. Please
phone 849599 or email j.jain@lancaster.ac.uk.
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THAT'S IT - CHRISTMAS CALLS
A VERY HAPPY WHATEVER TO YOU AND YOURS
and here's to a vituperative New Year
PS Don't forget to upograde to service pack 5 and switch off your computer