[Date Prev][Date Next][Date Index]
INKYTEXT 315
_ _ __ ______
(_) ____ / /__ __ __ / /_ ___ _ __ /_ __/
/ / / __ \ / //_/ / / / / / __/ / _ \ | |/_/ / /
/ / / / / / / ,< / /_/ / / /_ / __/ _> < / /
/_/ /_/ /_/ /_/|_| \__, / \__/ \___/ /_/|_| /_/
/____/
Issue No 315 Friday 8th October 1999
------ ----- ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
Editorial correspondence should be sent to InkyText@lancaster.ac.uk
Subscription requests to Inkytext-distribution-request@lists.lancaster.ac.uk
------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
The Editor is harassed. No News this week - sorry. You'll have to rely
on the impressive new full-colour SCAN, responsibly edited by Sarah
Smith and looking like a real newspaper, for news of the baffling nurse
led unit (still being plastered), building delays, etc. Nothing on
today's highly charged Council agenda, last week's intriguing APC,
Chemistry, Geography, money matters, industrial contracts, business
park, etc. You'll just have to learn to be patient. From a slow and
expensive telnet connection and a French keyboard so apologies in
advance for typos.
AGENDA
1. Washington Post Style Invitational
2. Readers Letters
3. Small ads
1. WASHINGTON POST STYLE INVITATIONAL
-------------------------------------
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
obtaining sex.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a
serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
until you realise it was your money to start with.
2. READERS' LETTERS
-------------------
My smoking explanation. One of the spin-offs of coming from what was a
highly diverse and talented family (my grandmother was a concert
pianist who performed before the Emperor Franz Joseph and my mother
invented the structural adhesive which holds the Concord together), is
the other side of the coin. Or coins.
My grandmother's sister (20 years her junior) was the wild one of that
family and indeed was a chorus girl in NYC in the 1920, She also
played the piano in bars. When we finally met in den Haag in the
1960s, she was quite respectable, but she and I used to sing a lot one
of her barroom favourites:
CAGAREEETES 'N WHUSKEY & WILD, WILD WIMMEN,
THAIR DRIVE YOU CRAZY, THAIR DRIVE YOUR INSANE
But even then I smoked either Gitanes or cigars and drank Wild Turkey,
so we changed first words to SEEGARS 'n BURRBOON.
When my mother invented this glue during W.W.II and just after, it was
given the name FM47. 47 for the varieties of Heinz ketchup and FM for
'Full of Malarkey'. The company was later bought out by triple M
(Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing) in the 1960s. I saw on the front
page of The Times ten years ago, MMM bringing out a new version:
FM2000. My father's steam locomotive has appeared on the BBC numerous
times, once with Johnny Cash.
My claims to fame are quite modest in comparison, but I did actually
see Edith Piaf perform in the flesh and later that year was saluted by
de Gaulle in Dax (I was wearing a Black Watch kilt at the time). I also
got Bobby Charlton's autograph at a Glasgow hotel one drunken night
(gave it to Gordon Phillips, stupid me) as well as Harold Wilson's,
totally sober. Not only has the Queen Mother written me two months
also, but yesterday I got a two page letter from Jim Callaghan. Have
also corresponded with Joseph Heller.
Marcus Merriman
[NOTE: I thought there were '57' Heinz varieties...? Or did that come
later? (Ed)]
--------------------------------
Is it just me or does it strike other people as they walk around the
campus that the University has clearly been taken by surprise that the
academic year is about to commence and that new students will be
arriving in a few days time, the first weekend in October? Everywhere
are physical signs of, to varying degrees, feverish activity -
refurbishing bars, refurbishing student rooms, tearing up roads,
building work, effecting structural repairs of all sorts - all of which
may or not be completed before the arrival of students, their parents
and families at the weekend. What happened to planning? Were there not
weeks in the summer when the necessary work could have been undertaken?
Something similar seems to happen every year. Why?
Janet Clements
[NOTE : Usual explanation is that the financial year begins 1st August
and having no money we have to wait till then. Clearly not the whole
story though... (Ed.)
--------------------------
About that beautifully verdant grass on the other side of the fence.
Before you (and Gareth Williams) get too ecstatic about oral
examinations, have a chat to people who have been through that system.
I have experienced it and so have many friends. The flaws are many,
both in terms of demands on staff time and in terms of potential
unfairness in the treatment of different candidates.
Teachers' pets and plausible smoothies will sail through with flying
colours and the diffident, the unorthodox, the rebel and the member of
a disfavoured group will suffer. Depending on who examines you, the
contents, emphasis and level of the questions you get and the answers
expected and the help/hints that may be available can be widely
different. Whether you are 'on' before coffee or late in the afternoon
and the mood of the examiner at the time of meeting you can have a
dramatic effect on how you are judged. I could go on, but won't.
Of course under ideal conditions such malpractices can be minimised
(panels of examiners sitting together, questions published ahead of
time, etc.), but in the real world they will occur and the system is
ideally set up to make this possible. As for streamlining the process
of assessment, do a few simple sums and you will discover the relative
demands on staff time of the two approaches.
I cannot tell you the relief when I encountered the system in which
all students have the same choice of questions to answer at the same
time in the same amount of time and the personal element of the
examiner is minimised. When it is combined with the steps taken to make
scripts anonymous and to have double marking and scrutiny by
independent external examiners, the benefit in manifest fairness is
immense. As for the issue of plagiarism, reduce the weighting assigned
to CWA and the problem is much reduced.
Disgusted of Bailrigg (Stephen Breuer)
[NOTE: yes that's the orthodox view but I'm no longer convinced...
Reply will have to wait. Sorry. ( Ed.)
------------------------------
Were you unaware of James Watson's presence on the shortlist for the =
Student Reporter of the Year Award? Re-reading InkyText, I see no =
mention of this.
The Guardian article was (as usual) tucked away and in absurdly small
print (8pt I think) but there he was...no other Scan presence, though
Pluto was shortlisted in the Newspaper category (no surprise there,
it is a quality product).
Nick Bardsley
[ NOTE: And I see Steve Dunthorne has been nominated in the Sports
Reporting section of this year's Independent awards. (Ed)]
----------------------
OK Editor, I'm sorry if my interest in fume cupboards seemed a little
obscure (a few issues back), though I was delighted to see that you
were momentarily at a loss for comment. It's just that when I was small
we were instructed to put things into "fume cupboards". So we did. But
I can't remember why we did it. (There must be others in this
situation.) All I can remember is the wonderful phrase itself, and now
we even have "inadequate fume cupboards". Disregarding the use in
chemistry, the expression cries out for metaphorical applications.
Would it even be appropriate to regard Inkytext itself as a kind of
fume cupboard? If so, then probably an adequate one. (same old anon.)
---------------------------------
One reads that proposals are afoot; firstly, to restrict many urban
roads to 20m.p.h.; secondly, to introduce financial incentives for
local authorities to obtain speeding tickets on a zero tolerance basis.
I wonder if someone would check my sums on the implications of this.
Consider a road such as Barton Road.
A. At present, a speed of 35m.p.h. is penalty free. If I drive my
four metre long car with four car spaces from the car in front it
occupies a 20 metre slot. 500 meters of road are occupied by 25 cars at
a busy time. 35m.p.h 3D 940 metres/minute. Thus 940/20 3D 47
similarly spaced vehicles emerge from the road per minute at a busy
time. A car is in the 500 metres section for 500/940 minutes 32
seconds. 20
B. At 20 m.p.h. (540 meters/sec), with the same four-car spacing,
only 27 vehicles emerge from the road per minute and a car is in the
500 metre section for 56 seconds (c.f. 32 seconds presently). With the
'present' 47 vehicles/minute wanting to use the road, queues build up
to enter the road. My car is occupying road space for longer each day
because of both of these effects. The 500 metre section is still
occupied by 25 cars.
C. To get the 'present' 47 vehicles a minute through the road at 20
m.p.h., the vehicle slot would have to be reduced to 20 x 540/940 3D
11.5 metres. That is, I would have to drive less than two cars length
from the car in front. I would in the section for 56 seconds (c.f. 32)
and there would now be 500/11.5 3D 43 cars occupying the section. 20
Which of 'B' or 'C' is preferable, and why is it clearly better than
'A'?
Michael Jackson (mike-de-hest@talk21.com)
[NOTE: Well the obvious answer is because car drivers are not the only
road users and it may be safer for the rest of them. Even I can spot a
few flaws in the rest too... Think more dynamically. Maybe we want to
encourage shorter cars... or fewer... (Ed.)]
------------------------
It is interesting to read in InkyText about the poor visibility on the
cycleway at the "pig's elbow" bend and the nearby
aesthetically-displeasing fence.
John Adams in "Risk" (1995, London, UCL Press, ISBN 1-85728-068-7), p.
113, quotes a letter from Colonel Willoughby Verner to "The Times"
published on 13 July 1908:
"Dear Sir
Before any of your readers may be induced to cut their hedges as
suggested by the secretary of the Motor Union they may like to know my
experience of having done so.
Four years ago I cut down the hedges and shrubs to a height of 4 ft
for 30 yards back from the dangerous crossing in this hamlet. The
results were twofold: the following summer my garden was smothered with
dust as fast-driven cars, and the average pace of the passing cars was
considerably increased. This was bad enough, but when the culprits
secured by the police pleaded that 'it was perfectly safe to go fast'
because 'they could see well at the corner', I realised that I had made
a mistake.
Since then I have let my hedges and shrubs grow, and by planting roses
and hops have raised a screen 8 ft to 10 ft high, by which means the
garden is sheltered to some degree from the dust and the speed of many
passing cars sensibly diminished. For it is perfectly plain that there
are many motorists who can only be induced to go at a reasonable speed
at crossroads by consideration for their own personal safety. Hence the
advantage to the public of automatically fostering this spirit as I am
now doing. To cut hedges is a direct encouragement to reckless driving.
Your obedient servant,
Willoughby Verner"
Like most other non-motorised road users (cyclists, pedestrians,
children kicking a football, parents with prams, the usual suspects...)
I believe that _most_ car drivers travel much too fast (72% actually
_admit_ to breaking the 30mph speed limit -- source Table 4.12b of
"Transport Statistics Great Britain", 1996). Similarly, I believe that
_some_ cyclists travel much too quickly and frighten the living
daylights out of pedestrians. Like Colonel Verner's hedge, the "pig's
elbow" and the yucky fence actually benefit pedestrians by forcing
'Speedy Gonzalez' cyclists to slow down.
We can only hope that the owners of the fence, who already have done
us a service, will plant some nice daffodils, wild garlic, roses, hops,
jasmine, clematis and a few other scented species to disguise the
offence of the fence.
Pascal Desmond.
-----------------------------------
Your system is incredibly efficient - I have already received a number
of enquiries about my house in Lancaster (38 Ullswater Road). I have
had an offer on the house, although am keeping enquiries live until
contracts are exchanged (as you may know, one isn't sure of a sale
until then). I am not in the business of gazumping (sp?) so am
informing enquirers. I don't know how you advertise but I guess my
advert needs to be suspended for now.
Penny Vingoe
-------------------
What exactly do you mean about students' behaviour in relation to
recycled mattresses? Do you mean they are more likely to want to throw
them out of their bedroom windows, as tends to happen after a long
night at the Carleton? Or perhaps you are implying that the students
will see the superior mattresses in other colleges' bedrooms (I can't
possibly imagine how) and decide to show their collective digust?
Please clarify.
Huw Owen
[NOTE: Careless syntax made me seem to refer to the 'recycled'
mattresses when in fact I was harmlessly speculating about the
potential effect on students of the new, thicker ones. Perhaps they'll
sleep better at night, for example. (Ed.)]
-------------------------------
little known fact #666
Iris Dootson's kid brother was the previous Anglican Bishop of Peru.
Ask her - 'strue
Ian Edmondson-Noble
----------------------------
Inky Text has got its facts wrong yet again! The two engineering
lectureships are permanent.
With TQA rating of 22 and RAE rating of 4 it is one of the best
engineering departments in the UK, rated 7th by the Times on 24.4.99.
Moreover, the Engineering Department is LEADING the University in
obtaining "third leg" funding!
Alan Bradshaw
Head of Department
[NOTE: Now, now.... methinks too much protest. I fear that item was
shamelessly plagiarized from the UMAG minutes for 8.9.99 so you really
mean "UMAG got its facts wrong". I think you should tell them to see if
they agree. And I am the very last person you should throw ratings at
as evidence of anything. I just don't believe their reliability.
However take heart: the news is good and Prof Davies is very bullish
about the future for our Engineering, with Preston likely to lose
acccreditation and the pro,ise of industrial funding. (Ed)]
-----------------------------------
I do think that such a thing as plagiarism exists, and that it runs
contrary to the educative task of empowering our heads. It is, however,
difficult to define, and I am not at all sure that Gareth Williams's
stress on "intent" helps very much. Otherwise conspiracy laws would
work better than they do. It's a good thing they don't, of course, but
on the other hand if intent were easy to prove and/or certain of proof,
we probably would not be afflicted by post-modernism.
Given these apparent difficulties of definition, it's probably best to give
students an idea (and remind ourselves) of the plagiaristic range, and to
suggest some ways in which it disrupts the empowerment of the mind. Here's
my effort, from the Honors College Student-Faculty Handbook (somewhat
plagiarized from the Lancaster American Studies handbook, which I did write
myself.... ):
"Plagiarized work is work that is substantially not one's own.
Presenting such work as if it were your own is an act of intellectual
dishonesty (or, at best, of gross carelessness). You may have quoted
(briefly or at length) without attribution from published work, from
another student's essay, or from the Internet. You may have paraphrased
another author's words or uncritically and slavishly used another
author's ideas, organization and/or rhetorical strategy in fashioning
your argument, again without acknowledging your dependence in footnotes
or endnotes.
[...]
Having said all that, I must say I do not like the idea of
intellectual ownership, and never make the assumption that something in
a book, and therefore something to which the author claims title, is
"original", but then one has to speak in terms that are
understandable.
Bob Bliss
Robert M. Bliss
Pierre Laclede Honors College
University of Missouri-St. Louis
------------------------------
I like that one about copying with total accuracy, and the
understanding implied; I will see our photocopiers in a completely new
light from now on.
Robin McIlveen
[Note: Hmmm. Perhaps copying is an old fashioned humanist art, and the
mindless techno simulation of it should be called replication. (Ed)]
------------------------
One for your female readership. I also expect Lou Armour would love it.
The Barbie PC is an awesome computer designed just for girls with a
unique pink and silver Barbie look that sets it apart from other plain
computers.
www.barbiepc.com/usab/default.asp
The article oesn't say if it comes supplied with "toy" software, like
Windows, Office etc, pre-installed !
Kev Buckley
----------------------------
As usual, the routine annual prices increases at the Sports Centre are
in excess of the change in any published index of annual price rises
generally, and far above university wage and salary increases.
Can someone explain why?
Although the new three-year membership available to first year
students offers little (if anything) in the way of a discount, it does
save on the hassle of re-inlisting; so why wasn't this considered
appropriate for staff?
Also, for next time round, could 'they' consider an option of allowing
late joiners and new staff to subscribe at a lower rate for either the
Lent and Summer terms or the Summer term only?
And, finally, instead of prices for "Child (under 16)" could we not
have "Child (in full time education)"?
Gerry Steele
Dept of Economics,
-------------------------------------
Thanks to the kind efforts of a reader, my letter last April - trying
to excite interest in the Castle Ward local election - ended up with
the National Constitutional Committee of the Labour Party. I am due to
discuss it with them on the 18th November. If any academic - striving
to achieve their publication's quota by writing a book "Libel and
Copyright on The Net" - is interested, they can have further details.
Michael Jackson (mike-de-hest@talk21.com)
--------------------------------
"ROMANTIC ICONS" EXHIBITION: very good exhibition of paintings at the
Wordsworth Museum in Grasmere (next to Dove Cottage), of the likes of
Byron (the one with him in Albanian costume), the Shelleys (Percy,
Mary, and mother-in-law), Nelson, Lady Hamilton, Keats,and, of course,
lots of ones of Wordsworth and Coleridge, all on loan from the
National Portrait Gallery. Apparently they were originally only going
to lend one or two, but when it was decided to close down for a while
for millenium refurbishings, it was felt better after all to have them
go north rather than gather dust in a warehouse in London. Don't when
the exhibition finishes, but seems likely to be on till at least the
millenium... Dove Cottage's latest acquisition, btw, is a picture of
Richard Wordsworth, the poet's toothless grandfather, but I think the
paintings in the Museum are definitely a better bet, frankly!
Alan Waters
IELE
----------------------
I have tried to contact you via the subscription address without
success. I hope I can reach you via this address and apologise because
I appreciate it is really the editorial address.
Could you please put my address back on to the list of subscribers?
Obviously I didn't do something I should have done over the summer to
enable me to continue to receive your communications. My last InkyText
was number 294. Could you send me the back numbers as well as adding my
name to the list of subscribers? I am definitely suffering from
withdrawal symptoms. many thanks
Kathy Graves k.graves@ucsm.ac.uk
---------------------
3. SMALL ADS
------------
COUNTY SNACK BAR IS OPEN AGAIN
for Sue's famous all-day breakfasts, filled rolls, burgers, toasties,
and now excellent filter coffee at only 35 p per cup.
Monday to Friday, 9.30 to 4.30
Next to County Bar, and well worth the walk!
----------------
For Sale: Victorian end terrance in beautiful Morecambe bay (situated
266 paces from the sea) - 5 floors, 5 beds upstairs and a self
contained flat downstairs. At least 60,000 spent on structural
renovation. Investment property for letting or large family.32,000 ono.
Contact me on my mobile 07971 191831 or e-mail Penny@learntolear.co.uk
with 'snail mail' address and I will send you full details.
-----------
Centre for North-West Regional Studies
Fylde College
are holding a study day on Saturday 16 October 1999, from 9.30am until
4.00 pm entitled 'These bloodie broils: the civil war in north-west
England'. Cost: 12 pounds.
ALSO
a seminar on 27 October 1999 in Fylde College, from 4.00pm until 5.30
pm - entitled 'Shielings in Northern England: A Reappraisal' by Dr
Angus Winchester. Cost: 2.50.
If you would like further details on either of these please contact
christine.wilkinson@lancaster.ac.uk or phone extension 92150.
-------------
SUNNY, SUBSTANTIAL AND QUIET FAMILY HOUSE TO LET. Victorian
end-terrace house, close to the centre and shops, flanked by a cobbled
lane with parking space. It has four bedrooms and an upstairs
sitting-room. Study and spacious kitchen-dining-room on the ground
floor with a 2nd bathroom and utility/television room in the basement.
The large rear porch leads to a gravelled back yard with a beautiful
birch tree. Tel. 67839. or 841169.
---------
BBC COMPUTERS Do you have an old BBC computer taking up space in your
home? The infant department of a Special Needs School in Liverpool
would be most grateful for any BBC computers and software that are no
longer used in your home. Will collect from campus.
Please contact Ruth Garrette, Continuing Education
r.garrette@lancaster.ac.uk or extension 92619
----------
LODGING AVAILABLE. Retired academic living in a comfortable and roomy house
close to the station offers pleasant lodging to a responsible, civilised and
non-smoking person over the academic session. Would suit visiting single
academic person seeking accommodation. Tel 01524 66567
----------
A VISITING ACADEMIC is looking for an apartment to rent in Lancaster from
October 20th to November 20th. If anyone has anything suitable please contact
Rory O'Connell, ext. 92461, email: r.oconnell@lancaster.ac.uk
--------
Thursday 14th October 7.30pm
INAUGURAL CONCERT
Martin Roscoe (piano)
Haydn Sonata in C Minor Hob.XVI/20
Chopin Sonata No 2 Op 35
Chopin Polonaise Op 53
Poulenc 3 Novelettes
Debussy 3 Preludes (Book 1: Nos 10, 11 & 12)
Liszt Rapsodie Espagnole
Martin Roscoe is musician-in-residence at Lancaster University
Tickets #10.00, #7.50 (#9.50, #7.00 conc) Students #5.00
------------------
SEMINAR SPEAKER
Richard Collier (Prof. of Law University of Newcastle)
Will be presenting a paper entitled:
"Fatherhood, the meaning of 'work' and the limits of law: Reconstructing the
'Good Parent' in Employment Law and Family Policy?"
Tuesday October 12th 1999 1-2 PM
A36 Lonsdale College Law department
------------
AVAILABLE FOR RENT. 3-bedroomed house in central Lancaster. Phone,
central heating, large kitchen. 30 pounds per person per week plus
bills. Tel.01524 841703
-----------------------------