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INKYTEXT 291
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SURPRISE WEDDING SENSATION
BALKAN WAR DAY 42
ELECTION WEEK: BEST WISHES TO SUBSCRIBERS IN WALES AND SCOTLAND
who are earnestly urged not to give both votes to the same party
Issue No 291 Monday 3 May 1999
------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
Editorial correspondence should be sent to InkyText@lancaster.ac.uk
Subscription requests to Inkytext-distribution-request@lists.lancaster.ac.uk
------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
AGENDA
Minutes, Amendments, Matters arising
1. Editorial: Nailing the Bombers
2. News: Wedding, Mrs Cook, Chaplaincy Centre, Ubu Roi, Medical Education,
Corporate Plan, HEDEC.
4. Small Ads: Houses, flats, cars, South Pacific, Technology seminars, May
Celebration, Orthopaedic bed, Speaker of Albanian wanted.
5. Readers' Letters: Kosovo, Cats and buttered toast, small nuclear reactors,
Israel and Serbia, La Cheteau.
MINUTES, AMENDMENTS, MATTERS ARISING
------------------------------------
Leading Internet booksellers amazon.com do not sponsor the
'junglepages' essay bank and have asked junglepages to remove their
logo from the site.
1. EDITORIAL: NAILING THE BOMBERS
---------------------------------
What are the chances that, if peace dawns soon, the tragic Kosovan
refugees we are "helping" will be able to enjoy the spring sunshine at
peace in their homeland next year or the year after?
"About as high as a dachshund's testicles" was the expert opinion of
one military commentator. We're already talking a generation here,
maybe longer, military occupation, terrorist atrocities, reciprocal
recriminations. Cue for a Joan Baez song: "When will they ever learn?"
Week 6 of the Balkan War was a windfall for pataphysicians and
students of the absurd. Not only was Ubu Roi splendidly performed in
the Nuffield, but almost every statement by members of the Cabinet
provided further material for pataphysical research.
Not just the Cabinet. Even the great Jamie Shea admitted that one bomb
had not just missed its target but had exploded in the wrong country.
Four Nato aircraft have also now been destroyed. Spokesman Shea pointed
out that these figures were "extremely good" considering over 12,500
sorties have been flown in five weeks....
He omitted to add that an exceptionally high proportion of those
12,500 missions can't have been all that good if Serbia still has any
bridges, barracks, power stations or factories left standing. Probably
the fault of the weather.
The Prime Minister repeatedly explained that the bombers could never
succeed in their objectives. On the contrary they would only succeed in
uniting the capital's inhabitants in hostility towards them.
Not being trained in pataphysics, the science of exceptions, he forgot
to note that this principle did not apply to Belgrade, where bombing
will of course cow the population into surrender and soon afterwards
into acceptance of the bombers' values (i.e ours). Does the rule apply
to other capitals? Further research is clearly needed
The Home Secretary stressed that no effort would be spared in bringing
the perpetrators of indiscriminate bombings to justice. How delighted
one is to be able to agree with him wholeheartedly.
He saw no need to remind us that this applied only to unlawful
bombing, and not of course to legal bombing legitimately perpetrated by
lawful governments.
Whether NATO's bombing is lawful or not is, however, an intriguing
question on which we've not yet heard from the Law department. Our
governments apparently imagine they can accidentally bomb buses, trains
and lorryloads of civilians with impunity because they are convinced of
the righteousness of their cause. Or perhaps with just a few civil
damages suits from relatives later....
We'll see. Ms Louise Arbour, UN special prosecutor for the
International War Crimes Commission sitting at The Hague, is already
gathering evidence on random massacres in Serbia and Kosovo.... One
hopes she is noting carefully the evidence unwittingly being provided
by Jamie Shea (not really admissible since it's all hearsay, but at
least Mr Shea seems sincerely to believe what he is told to report.)
And only yesterday, at his most splendidly Ubuesque, the Prime
Minister bravely explained to assembled Sikhs that the London bombs
were 'our Kosovo', a manifestation of that same ethnic hostility that
NATO was fighting to destroy in Serbia....
One wonders how his somewhat hyperbolic analogy went down in the
refugee camps. And in Belgrade. And wherever next they fear we may try
to apply a dose of 'NATO values'.
2. NEWS
-------
CONGRATULATIONS AND BEST WISHES to Bars Controller and former Bowland
Bar Steward Drew Wallace, and to former Finance Office accountant
Heather Nelson, who were married in Lancaster on Friday. They left
immediately for a Mediterranean Cruise (Palma, Rome, Genoa/Livorno,
Villefranche, Barcelona). Grizedale Licensee Graham Beck was Best Man.
CONGRATULATIONS TO MRS MARGARET COOK, former wife of the Foreign
Secretary, who intends to vote SNP in protest at her ex-husband's
policy on Kosovo. Mrs Cook said she "abhorred" the Nato bombing and was
increasingly sympathetic to SNP leader Alex Salmond's condemnation of
it. (Mrs Cook however does not support Scottish independence and will
cast her constituency vote for the Liberal Democrats.)
CONGRATULATIONS TO THE CHAPLAINCY CENTRE, which celebrated 30 years of
multi-faith activity with a banquet on Saturday and an inter-faith
service on Sunday. Guest of honour was the great Professor Emeritus
Ninian Smart, who paid a nostalgic visit to Lonsdale Bar and may be
seeking a house in the area.
UBU ROI: TAKE A BOW MARK PARROTT, whose joyful cavorting around the
Nuffield stage was the highlight of last week's French production of
Jarry's Ubu Roi, directed with brio and professionalism by Zoe Gaskell.
Jarry's play, originally intended to be performed by puppets, shows us
a Polish couple who are a cross between the Macbeths and the Andy
Capps, with a touch of Mr Punch thrown in. Celine Finch was a
sneeringly haughty Lady MacBesque Mere Ubu, who put her grotesque,
foul-mouthed, overweight husband (By My Green Candle!) up to murdering
the lawful King Wenceslas, usurping the throne and taxing the land
mafia-style. Happily, young Prince Bougrelas, fetchingly played in a
nappy by Hugh Cooper, seeks to avenge his father. Will good triumph? A
fun event, with some bitingly topical satire that didn't get the
response it deserved. (A summary of the plot in the programme would
have helped Anglophone members of the audience.)
THE VICE-CHANCELLOR REPORTED TO UMAG on issues raised at the recent HEFCE
conference, including: the emphasis on initiative funding in Widening
Participation, 'reach-out in the community' (HEROIC), the University
for Industry and Refurbishing Poor Estates; the first report of the
Performance Indicators Steering Group; and the transparency review of
science research funding, seen by CVCP as a necessary part of
strengthening the dual support system and having a major impact on
university accounting practices.
HEDEC: UMAG considered two scenarios for development of HEDC were
being prepared by Prof Shepherd. It was noted that invitations to bid
for funding in this area would appear in May.
REVISED DRAFTS OF THE CORPORATE PLAN will be presented to this
Friday's Finance Committee. Three specific issues, already being
addressed in sub-groups, are highlighted for further policy discussion:
the availability of space for academic development within the perimeter
road; the balance between central and devolved management of IT; and
residence development.
MEDICAL EDUCATION: UMAG received a report on developments with the
joint bid with Liverpool for additional medical student places. The
more favourable financial and resource arrangements which are emerging
were welcomed. An assessment of the increased involvement of statistics
was advised.
3. SMALL ADS
------------
FOR SALE: FORD GRANADA SCORPIO ESTATE (Auto) 'K' Reg (above average
price hence price) Taxed & Tested 3,500 ono
&
FORD FIESTA LX (1.1), 'L' Reg, 47,000 miles Taxed & Tested 3,700 ono
email c.jones@lancaster.ac.uk or phone X 93769
----------------
FOR RENT: 2 bedroom modern terraced house in Scotforth (South
Lancaster). Fitted kitchen, gas central heating, double glazed. Back
garden - accessed via patio doors from lounge. Partially furnished /
unfurnished depending on requirements. Private parking space. Suit
post-graduates / staff. No smokers / no pets. Available June. ?390 per
month + bills. Tel: Sandra 93548 / 388919 (evenings).
----------------
LANCASTER GREEN SPACES PRESENTS:
An enchanting afternoon of stories and music in celebration of Spring
and the Green Man
for children aged 3 to 103 years
on Saturday 8th May, 3.00 -- 5.30 p.m.
at the Gregson Centre, Moor Gate, Lancaster
Adults - 1pound, Children - free
Please bring a cushion to sit on
Home made cakes for sale
FURTHER INFORMATION: 33858
---------------
S O U T H P A C I F I C
at
T H E G R A N D T H E A T R E
presented by
Lancaster Girls' and Boys' Grammar Schools
Tuesday 4th May - Friday 7th May at 7.30
(Tickets available from The Grand 7.00 pounds but 5 pounds on Tuesday)
---------------
Technological Cultures
ICR Work-in-Progress Summer Seminar Series
All Welcome
All seminars are in Bowland Seminar Room C70
(above Birketts)
on Wednesdays from 1-2
Week 3: Wednesday 5 May, 1-2 pm
John Urry and Mimi Sheller
Department of Sociology/ICR
'Automobility'
---------
Week 5: Wednesday 19 May, 1-2 pm
Claudia Castaneda
Centre for Science Studies/ICR
'Robotics'
--------
Week 7: Wednesday 2 June, 1-2 pm
SHAH
Institute for Cultural Research
'Crashes'
--------
Week 9: Wednesday 16 June, 1-2 pm
Jackie Stacey, Department of Sociology/ICR
'Aliens'
------------
FOR SALE: Pine double bed with deluxe orthopaedic mattress (Original
cost: 600 GBP). As new condition. A bargain at 100 GBP. Contact Elena
on 94176 or 01524 843891, or email e.semino@lancaster.ac.uk
-----------------
FOR SALE: ROVER 216i (T-Bar) COUPE, M Reg (1994). Excellent condition,
full service history, 31,000 miles, recently serviced, taxed and
tested, 4 brand new tyres, metalic platinum silver, part walnut dash,
black cloth interior. Factory-fitted alarm and immobiliser. Two careful
lady owners. 7,200 ONO Extension: 594177 (day) Telephone: (01524)
410667 (evening) or Contact: c.odonnell@lancaster.ac.uk
-------------
FOR SALE: HONDA (VF 500 FII), C Reg. Good Condition, 26,000 miles,
long MOT, red, white and blue. 1700 GBP. Contact: 01524 421408 (after
7pm).
---------------
HOUSE FOR RENT: August 15th -January 28th 1999. Ideal for visiting
academic. 200 year-old terraced cottage, overlooking the Forest of
Bowland, in small, quiet village 5 miles from University campus (car
essential). Double Bedroom/study, bath/shower, fully-equipped kitchen
and lounge with sofa bed. 375 GBP. Contact: j.stacey@lancaster.ac.uk
(01524-594184).
--------------
ALBANIAN SPEAKER WANTED: A Kosovan refugee has been given over into
the care of Mr Sallis of Morecambe Social Services. He is suffering,
inevitably, from both occasional language problems and general personal
dislocation. Mr Sallis is keen to find someone who can speak Albanian
and/or (even better) someone who has an Albanian or Kosovar background
and who would be willing to give up some of their time to make this
chap feel a little more at home. Mr Sallis can be contacted at
Morecambe Social Services on 01524-418565.
----------------
FLAT AVAILABLE ON CAMPUS from July 1st. Located in Lonsdale, large and
comfortable with kitchen corner and private bathroom for =A3273 a
month. Please contact Guillaume Lambert (g.lambert@lancaster.ac.uk)
or call (01524) 593411 (evening).
---------------
4. READERS' LETTERS
-------------------
Since you, as editor, want to continue the discussion on Israel, let's
do so, for at least one more round.
[NOTE: Errm, if you wish, though it was really the discussion on
Kosovo I wanted to continue... (Ed.)]
The analogy between 1948 Israel and 1999 Serbia is tenuous (a) because
Israel was fighting for its existence; (b) because Israel was being
attacked by larger, better-trained, better equipped armies of half a
dozen Arab nations, all sworn to its extermination; (c) because the
attacks on Israel were contrary to the UN declaration of Israeli
independence; (d) because the land Israel secured did not come
primarily by throwing out present occupants; (e) because many Arabs
living in what became Israel left voluntarily, expecting to return once
Israelis had been defeated by the combined Arab forces.
A tighter analogy, I suggested, between oppressor and oppressed in
Serbia was that in 1948 between Arab nations and the Jews who had been
living there. I never denied that some, maybe many, Arabs living in
what became Israel were expelled or pressured to leave. I objected to
the demonization of Israel--as if somehow the keenest analogy in all of
history to the plight of Albanians at the hands of Serbians is the
treatment of Arabs at the hands of Israelis in 1948.
And what is it that spurred your contributor to INKYTEXT to invoke a
parallel from fifty years ago and thousands of miles away? The
disclosure of minutes from an Israeli Cabinet meeting in which some
members apparently worried over the giving of humanitarian aid to
persons who were Muslim! I, for my part, would think that the giving of
the aid is an action that redounds to the credit of Israel. I wonder
how many of its neighbor states would do the same for Jewish victims
around the world.
For you, in your latest rejoinder, to invoke the hackneyed argument
that Zionists permit no criticisms of Israeli policy is a leap of
logic. How does it follow that to oppose one criticism is thereby to
oppose all criticism?
[NOTE: Indeed, but you do me an injustice. My point was that I
couldn't see any _other_ reason for you to claim that the reasonably
temperate and argued Nonneman article contained 'anti-Zionist rhetoric'
(your phrase). (Ed.)]
The most intense criticism of Israeli policy generally comes from
Israelis themselves -- one of the glories of what Popperians call an
open society.
Robert Segal
Department of Religious Studies
---------------------------------------
On Kosovo etc. surely there are lots of political analogies, as many
people have noted in the world press: including famously Palestine,
Kurdistan, Northern Ireland, the Basque country. They all look very
different depending on who are viewed as the terrorists and who are
fighting for their "national liberation". So it's a perfectly fair
point to ask why action is thought to be obligatory in some (without UN
resolutions) and unthinkable in others (in spite of UN resolutions).
As to Palestine (re. Robert Segal's correspondence), if I remember
rightly, it was not exactly being run by Arabs in 1948, was it? If we
go back before then, well, how long before? Isn't one of the foundation
myths of Israel that it took the "promised land" by conquest? Isn't
this bit of the mythology fuelling the settlement programme, which
according to the World Service of the BBC in the middle of the night
(I don't know how reliable it to be sure....) is making the prospect of
Palestinian self-determination ever more meaningless.
In the meantime I have been seeing TV footage of parties of Albanian
residents in Germany, setting off enthusiastically for war in buses. On
current statistics, at least thirty percent of them will die, and they
are singing combat songs. But nationalism is the root of all evil,
isn't it? Since people jump to the conclusion that nationalism on one
side is praiseworthy and on the other side is fascist, conflicts are
inevitable. A further root of evil, even nastier than naive
nationalism, is stirring up other people's nationalism, and there's
been a lot of that since 1990. (I made a speech about it at the time,
but nobody cared, and not much later pointed out the fundamental flaw
of Genscherism).
Those who stir up nationalism in fact stir up conflict, and in the end
they participate in it. Insisting on independence for Croatia by
Christmas all those years ago has finally led to German soldiers being
sent to Albania this spring (only for telecommunication duties, so
far).
When will they ever learn? Kosovo is one more in a long line of
analogous catastrophes.
Michael Pye
Marburg
[NOTE: Professor Pye was formerly in our own department of Religous
Studies. (Ed.)]
--------------------------------------
Is it really necessary to 'print' this kind of letter? [Peter Adzic's
on his nuclear reactor.] It has the feel of a chain letter more than
something to be taken seriously.
If this is a commercial reactor, I would be happy to sit in its
containment vessel on the grounds that it is almost certainly the
safest and most bomb-proof building in the Balkans. If it is a small
research reactor, I would imagine that the force of the bomb would do
more damage than the small amount of fuel. Regretfully, my knowledge of
reactor physics is minimal, but even so, logic seems to preclude this
letter being anything but alarmist.
If NATO spend their time trying to bomb these rather harmless places,
perhaps it will keep them busy enough to keep away from bombing
civilians.
[OK, now shoot me down in flames.....]
Stella Birchall
Music
[NOTE: Whyever should I do that? Yes, it's surely a chain letter, but
on this occasion I felt it raises points of interest. How much nuclear
fuel is there in Serbia? How sure are our strategists that they know
where spent fuel is? Given the odd errant missile admitted (and the no
doubt much larger number not acknowledged) how confident are they that
they can avoid bombing those places? What would happen if a cruise
missile hit Heysham B? Is your complacency justified? Etc. etc. Answers
from physicists, please. I really have no idea about these things.
(Ed.)]
-------------------------
Continuing the Zionism/Holocaust/Serbian/Kosovan theme.... have people
noticed that the White Wolves (is that what they're called?) are
talking about nailbomb threats to all Jews as well as black people etc
etc etc (I noticed a reference to 'Jews by race not just religion' in
the letter I managed to read on TV which the Lancashire police had
received).....
Fiona Frank
---------------------
There is a further stage to the feline aerodynamics. The buttered
toast/cat array would not hover indefinitely. Cats are partial to a tad
of butter and can lick their backs. Eventually the un-buttered
toast/cat array would fall to the ground cat side down.
Monica Lee
---------------------------
Just a very early 'silly season' note (which to a bon viveur like the
editor will be by no means 'silly' but highly significant). Found in my
local hypermarket in Kuala Lumpur (at a very reasonable Malaysian
Ringghit price of 23 i.e. (don't have a sterling pound sign, sorry)
3.50 or - if you use the British Council rate - 2.50) a relatively
'potable' (soi-disant) French white(esque) dryish wine: a 'Chardonnay'
called LA CHETEAU (sic) and described as 'Vin de Pays du Jardin de la
France' (come back Quand Dide(sic)) and 'put in bottle by Lacheteau' (my
translation) with the address F49700 Doue La Fontaine (a relative of
the poet perhaps?).
Does anyone know; is this an Australian joke or just incompetent
labelling in France? The first seems the more plausible explanation.
I wait with bated (baited?) breath for someone to enlighten me.
Linguistic change: has 'chateau' changed gender since I did French at
school? Could have. The GREAT VOWEL SHIFT (upper case courtesy of
Winnie the Pooh) in English didn't take much longer.
Roger Bell
Kuala Lumpur
[NOTE: Well, it seems to be neither of the things you surmise. And let
us note in passing that 'bon viveur' is an English expression, for
which the French is 'bon vivant'.
According to the online commerce directory for the De'partement de
Maine et Loire, the (wine bottling and exporting ne'gociants) Societe
Anonyme Lacheteau SA of Nueil-sur-Layon (tel: 02.41.59.59.19) has 8
employees and last year realised a profit of 2 688 204FF on a turnover
of about 26 million FF. The director is M. LACHETEAU Andre. They have a
warehouse at Z.I. la Saulaie, 49700 Doue le Fontaine.
Moral: the French like playing with sounds and word morphology as much
as you do :-) (Ed.)]
-------------------
I note with ... well, skepticism, I guess ... the letter from Peter
Adzic in InkyText 290. There really is a Peter Adzic who works at VINCA
[1] and I believe that he must know something about nuclear physics and
may be genuinely worried about the situation, however several things
about his letter appear to be in error.
Firstly, NATO do not pre-announce targets. The only time one knows
what NATO's going to do is when they've already reached a target once
and not been able to disable it. Bearing in mind that officers of both
sides in this conflict have probably read Dr. Adzic's letter by now,
pre-announcing a bomb target is pretty silly. Perhaps the Doctor has
been the victim of propaganda-rumour.
Next, VINCA has web sites [2,3] which describe its accelerator [4] but
not its reactor. However, the reactor concerned appears to have been
that used by the Radiation and Environmental Protection Laboratory [5]
and by the Energy Division [6]. It's almost certainly modelled on the
standard design for educational reactors (one does not make a /minor/
change in reactor design). These are very obviously experimental
devices -- capable of providing enough power to run 5 or so houses --
except that it would be a ridiculously inefficient way to do so, given
the cost. Such a reactor is completely unsuitable for the creation of
any sort of weapon and the institute doesn't boast about any courses on
weapon-design. This puts the installation outside NATO's declared
criterion for targets.
There are at least two similar reactors in England: one in Manchester
and another at the Greenwich Naval Base (possibly now out of comm-
ission). The amount of nuclear material in either of these two isn't
enough to cause a problem over the area covered by a small field, let
alone to trouble a city. (Correction from Physics welcome.) Both of
these are used mainly as teaching tools, the latter one for officers in
the armed forces who will encounter nuclear installations in the course
of their service: nuclear submarines, for example. They're toys: you
bring them on-line; mess around with settings; watch the dials; measure
everything you can think of; use the output to boil the kettle or nuke
a pizza; set them to go critical and watch the automatic controls cut
in and shut them down safely. Homer Simpson could do it.
Neither could do much harm even if they somehow went critical --
they're far too small -- which is why they're safe to build inside two
of our biggest population-centres. I have a mental picture of what
would happen if a bomb hit a building with a reactor in: brick rubble
and twisted metal covering a reactor with the reaction-vessel unharmed
because of the radiation shielding around it. I'm not able to back this
up with materials science, though.
Thirdly, bombing a known nuclear reactor is such an obvious bad move
in terms of publicity that I'd be stunned if NATO would do it
intentionally. A newspaper article containing the text of Dr. Adzic's
letter and any diagram of an imaginary fallout area would make serious
trouble for NATO's bombing policy (discussion of which may be beyond
the scope of InkyText). Of course, there's a chance that VINCA might be
hit by accident but the letter suggests that VINCA being a target is a
matter of policy.
In investigating this I tried several ways of contacting NATO. It was
somewhat frustrating to find that there was no way of getting NATO to
comment on this without phoning outside of England (Belgium). NATO's
representative in the UK, Allied Forces Northwestern Europe [7] has
four people working in Public Information but extension numbers for all
four lead to the same voice-mail system. Very annoying. Thanks instead
to Sava Milovanovic and Dragoljub Antic for making so much information
about VINCA available in a language I can read.
In rereading Dr. Adzic's letter I see no reason to believe either that
(a) NATO might intentionally bomb VINCA or that (b) bombing VINCA
would cause some nuclear catastrophe. Perhaps Dr. Adzic was asked to
write his letter in an attempt to bring the current crisis to the
attention of the academic community. Would you have been able to
refuse a request like that from the right quarters ?
[1] <http://wwwas.cern.ch/ASinfo/AS-DB/found/institutes/countries/SX.html>
(cited for external validation)
[2] <http://www.vin.bg.ac.yu/~savam>
[3] <http://www.vincy.bg.ac.yu>
[4] <http://www.vincy.bg.ac.yu/vincy2.html>
[5] <http://www.vin.bg.ac.yu/~savam/eng_vinca/l100.html>
[6] <http://www.vin.bg.ac.yu/~savam/eng_vinca/energy.html>
[7] <http://www.nato.int/related/afnw>
Simon Slavin
------------------------------------
ANYONE WANT TO BET THAT THE WAR WILL BE OVER BY NEXT WEEK?