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INKYTEXT 281
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SECOND INKYTEXT OF LENT
Issue No 281 Tuesday 2nd March 1999
______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______ ______
Editorial correspondence should be sent to InkyText@lancaster.ac.uk
Subscription requests to Inkytext-distribution-request@lists.lancaster.ac.uk
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AGENDA
Minutes, Amendments, Matters arising
1. Editorial: Protean standards and Procrustean 'solutions'
2. News: Catering, UMAG, Senate, APC, Sir Terry Frost, Premature Retirement,
Completion rates, Room vacancies, Medicine, Agresso, Amazon books.
3. Paris Diary: Air Miles afford four days of beatific beavering (Part I)
4. Search engines: variants and their dangers [HELD OVER]
5. Small Ads: Brecht, Lecturer jobs, Furniture, Translations, Flat Wanted,
Taxol, Iredell Lecture, Diet & Radicalism, AUT Surgery, Room, Concert.
6. Readers' Letters: 'Practicing', Admin Taxation of Dept initiatives,
Hitching, Anthony Pople, Cyclists, ASCII, Staff Football Club.
MINUTES, AMENDMENTS, MATTERS ARISING
------------------------------------
NEW UNIVERSITY SECRETARY: Still absolutely no news from tight-lipped
appointing committee members. Interviews were initially scheduled for
next week. Bizarre and unhealthy.
WEB ADDRESSES: Although the form http:www.lancs.ac.uk/users/personnel
may work with some setups, the standard format including two forward
slashes (e.g. http://www.lancs.ac.uk/users/personnel) will allow
click-to-access with any setup which supports it.
BACK NUMBERS: The unofficial and almost complete Inkytext archive
held, unamended embarrassing misprints and all, at
http://www.maths.lancs.ac.uk/~rowlings/Inkytext/ has had a revamp.
Issues are now to be sorted with the newest at the top and there's a
fancy graphic... Issues prior to No 280 have been moved to a separate
directory. Many thanks to the owner-curator and host server.
1. EDITORIAL: PROTEAN STANDARDS AND PROCRUSTEAN 'SOLUTIONS'
-----------------------------------------------------------
THE NEXT ACADEMIC YEAR SEES THE BIGGEST EVER TRANSFORMATION in
Lancaster degree schemes, all with the aim of conforming to alleged
national 'standards', facilitating credit transfers, and, en passant,
providing employment for the Quality Assurance industry.
Those employed in the latter activity _might_ do more for their
discipline by returning to its study rather than issuing administrative
edicts ever more dubious in both grammaticality and intellectual merit.
Even that must be doubtful, for the vain and futile tasks of pretending
to 'bench-mark' degrees or identify and maintain standards on a
national scale can surely appeal only to decidedly second-class minds
bent on an essentially bureaucratic career.
In May, most Part I students will enroll for 8 part II units instead
of 9 as hitherto. This monumental change has profound consequences for
all degree schemes and course units, yet a majority of staff and
students still seem oblivious to its implications, or else see it as
confirmation that they have been hard done by up to now.
Nor will the teaching time involved in existing full units be
increased, since that too has become standardized at 40 hours in
non-laboratory full units. In theory, of course, syllabuses are being
revised to ensure no loss of coverage - shoe-horning them, you might
say, into a straitjacket. So, at least, the relevant committees were
assured. In practice there is little sign of it.
Diversity used to rule. And surely not even quality assurers believe
that a syllabus can naively be 'weighed' or otherwise measured by
'contact hours'. (Or do they?) An inspirational lecture that enthuses
the whole class to put in endless passionate hours of private study is
of vastly higher 'quality' and greater lasting efficacity than 40 hours
of classroom drudgery. Unfortunately these things are harder to measure
than hours and topics.
Quite how all this can be seen as maintaining Lancaster's 'standards'
is hard to see, but fortunately this journal has always found the
concept vacuous in any case. One instant effect will be to reduce total
course registrations by about 11 percent, rendering some existing units
(and staff?) non-viable, and reducing total staff teaching time by the
number of lecture hours economised. By slightly more than that, indeed,
since not in every case will there be a need for an extra seminar
group. Perhaps too the time-tabler can now allow us a lunch hour...
More gravely, the change will further reduce the opportunities to
include topics or skills outside one's major discipline, driving degree
schemes further down the cul-de-sac represented by A-levels. Combined
majors will inevitably become more of a random hotch-potch than some
already are, and, perhaps wisely, the curious concept of 'coverage' of
a discipline will at last be abandoned.
One solution might have been to replace myriad specialized options by
more panoramic surveys, but this would, perhaps correctly, be seen by
some as a retrograde step.... a dilution of 'standards' even.
University education used to be Protean in character, and all the more
admired for it. It meant different things in different places. No one
dreamt of claiming that Bologna, Heidelberg, Paris and Oxford shared
some mythical common 'standard', nor even Harvard, Princeton and Yale.
Indeed, until the Thatcher years, almost the only western nation that
had ever imagined it was even desirable to impose common central
control on educational 'standards' was France, and that was merely yet
another consequence of the pyramidic military organizational structure
imposed by Bonaparte on all facets of public life. Happily France has
been copying much that it admired in Britain's diversity and
'subsidiarity' throughout these same past 20 year that we have spent
moving in the opposite direction.
The innkeeper Procrustes had a standard bed. He offered hospitality to
passing strangers: a pleasant meal and a night's rest. He claimed his
bed had a unique property: its length exactly matched whomsoever lay
down upon it. As soon as guests lay down Procrustes went to work,
stretching them on the rack if s/he was too short for the bed and
chopping off legs if they were too long.
Happily Theseus turned up and fatally adjusted Procrustes to fit his
own bed. Where is he now that we need him?
2. NEWS
-------
UMAG AND LAST FRIDAY'S APC both heard the Director of Resources
outline constraints for the 3 year period to be covered by the next
budgeting round, plus incentive mechanisms to encourage cost reduction
and income generation, and the development of faculty reserves. The key
element of the budgeting process is aimed at tackling the 'funding gap'
and controlling staff salaries. It involves capping the salary bill of
all departments and areas.
AGRESSO, the new (Norwegian) accountancy system to replace Prophecy,
is now being tested and delighting almost all of those who come into
contact with it. The project is being overseen by Martin van der Marel.
Currently the 'super-users' (Finance Office staff and Purchasing) are
being trained, and training for end-users is expected to take place in
June and July. The potential maximum cost, including a training package
we may not need to use, is rather greater than was hinted to the Y2K
Working group - 300K has been pencilled into the budget as a maximum -
but this can be off-set by the resources not now needed to test
Prophecy for Y2K compliance. Mutterings in some quarters nonetheless.
SENATE: Last week's meeting lasted a mere 2 hours 10 minutes.
Highlights were Dr Henig's mobile phone and an impassioned speech by
Prof Fulton commending our links with Blackburn College and attacking
perceived misplaced 'elitism' in the Management School. Prof Peasnell
expressed his real concerns, but in practice the issue had already been
defused by Pro VC Davies in earlier discussions with Blackburn. New
access courses will occupy so much resource in the next few years that
the problem of validating degrees becomes less urgent.
SIR TERRY FROST, a cheerily youthful 84 year old, travelled up from St
Ives for last Wednesday's opening of the cheerful 'Spotlight on Terry
Frost' exhibition in the Peter Scott Gallery. Prof Davies, describing
himself as the last person to ask to speak about abstract modern art,
paid entertaining tribute to the artist, who spoke wittily about his
work and said how touched he was to rediscover works of his he hadn't
seen for fifty years. Many of these are in our own collection, gifts
from Dame Irene Manton with whom Frost was friendly when at Leeds. (And
if you're very rich there are even some other pieces you can buy.)
Attendance was low but compensated by quality: The VC and Mrs Ritchie,
the Deputy VC, Mr and Mrs Cockburn, Emeritus Professor and Mrs Ross,
etc.
CATERING: Mr McGregor yesterday met with our now very small number of
full-time catering staff to keep them in the picture and reassure their
anxieties re the mysterious consultant's report. Tacit recognition that
recent moves have been a mistake and the wrong outlets done away with.
No extra staff promised and much weight attached to the mooted 'new'
coffee bar, for which a business plan was supposed to be drawn up over
a year ago and whose location has yet to be decided. Meanwhile
unsatisfied demand (e.g. tea at 4.30) grows apace.
UMAG received the 'Focus Group executive survey'and decided that
'Options for incremental improvement of a range of performance
indicators' should be appraised, alongside opportunities for expanding
business in the longer term. Members noted this will require
significant capital investment to improve facilities for internal and
conference/commercial trade which is also the subject of appraisal
within the Estate Strategy Group.
PREMATURE RETIREMENT: Reports that the Personnel Office has been
contacting individuals who have in the past enquired about what kind of
sum they might get to ask if they are still interested. This is thought
to be related both to concerns to reduce the salary bill still further
and a need to ear-mark (for accounting purposes) the monies notionally
set aside for PRCS in this year's budget.
ROOM VACANCIES: Worrying reports from around the colleges that even
more rooms than usual appear to be vacant at this stage in term. This
follows the pattern of recent years and is hard to avoid, but
emphasizes how flawed were the income calculations made to justify new
buildings.
COMPLETION RATES: worrying rumours from Social Science that Ph.Ds completed
within the required time sank to 53 percent last year, well below the
level at which ESRC studentships are in future to be made available.
OVERSEAS GRADUATE STUDENTS: Serious concerns in some faculties about the
shortfall in income resulting from failing to achieve projected numbers
of OS graduates.
RESEARCH STUDENTSHIPS: in 1999/00 - 2001/02, 5 new studentships per
annum will be budgeted at an annual total cost of up to 112.5k.
MEDECINE AT LANCASTER: UMAG discussed a report on the possibility of
collaborating with Liverpool University in a joint bid to be led by
Liverpool for additional student numbers in medicine. Up to 80 students
could undertake their placement 4th year in Lancaster, Morecambe and
Furness hospitals. During this year the students are offered special
study modules which the University could contribute across a range of
subject disciplines. Opportunity would also be available to offer
modules to students in earlier years and to provide places on research
and taught masters programmes during the students'’ intercalated year.
A decision is needed by March 12th. During the next two weeks an
appraisal will be conducted of the potential income, costs of delivery
and ancillary support costs, and potential to obtain support funding
from the Morecambe Bay Trust. Contact is being made with support
service heads, particularly Library and IS, and the participatory
departments. The Deputy VC will coordinate this with the aid of
Professors Ayres, McMillan and Gatrell and the Planning Officer.
AMAZON BOOKS: Placed an on-line order with www.amazon.co.uk at 5.00
p.m on Saturday for a French reference work (The Cambridge
French-English Thesaurus by Marie-Noelle Lamy, if you're interested,
and bloody good it is too). Heard at 3.00 p.m on Monday that the book
had been delivered by 1st class mail to the right address in Nottingham
complete with my gift note. Impressive.
3. PARIS DIARY
--------------
MARDI GRAS: Reading week and still the essays pour in. Had decided to
do my reading in Paris, using Air Miles and my TEP money. Escape from
Bailrigg at 12.05. Realise I'm not going to be able to make the 12.45
to Manchester Airport so home, shave, lunch, get some francs and leave
at high speed via M6 and M61. Only an hour to the Terminal 1 long-stay
car-park and fascinating discussion of Emma Hamilton on Radio 4,
starring her biographer, Flora Fraser, daughter of Lady Antonia.
SEATED ON PLANE next to a cheerful and chatty young lass from Alencon
who is a quality control engineer at the former Kangol seat-belt
factory in Carlisle. She did a year abroad at Swansea Institute as part
of her IUT engineering degree, and stayed on there to graduate. Thinks
British BAs get paid more by industry than their French equivalents
would. Travelling to Peugeot in Mulhouse and Renault in Metz with a
trunk-load of sample seat-belts.
BA1600 MAN-CDG leaves on time (16.00) and has one of the less garish
tail-fins. Two bridge rolls (salad with cheese, and salmon mayo) plus
an orange juice, two shortbread fingers, coffee and a quarter bottle of
claret (1996 Dourthe and showing signs of its age).
DECIDE TO TAKE THE RER since the Air France buses have gone up from
40FF to 65 since I was last here. Even the RER ticket is now 48FF to
anywhere on the urban metro. Still sunny and 6.30 here. Bounce off at
Port Royal and head for the wee hotel I know in the 13th. Not many now
where you can get a room with toilet under 200FF AND use your AMEX
card. Now means doing without breakfast though. Treat myself to Hareng
pommes a l'huile, steak-frites-salade, creme caramel and a half bottle
of Reserve in a wee Algerian place where a schoolteacher is arguing
with her husband and son about how many times you're allowed to
re-attempt the baccalaureat. Total 77FF. Buy phonecard and ring home.
MERCREDI DES CENDRES: Quick trip to the BHVP - rue Pave in the Marais,
easiest scholarly Parisian library to get a card for and find a seat
in. There's a free ice-rink outside the Hotel de Ville - the mayor's
Christmas gift to citizens it says. Check the archive reference numbers
of the documents I'm after plus the recent issues of a couple of the
journals we can no longer afford. See from this morning's Le Parisien
that the architecturally wonderful new Bib de France is now a miserable
shambles because of software bugs and insufficient shelf staff. A
Macdonald's salad plus a can of Kronenbourg in the Bastille for lunch
then straight out to the Chateau at Vincennes by 12.30 (end of line 1 -
under 15 mins from the Hotel de Ville at this time of day.)
VINCENNES was - is - a working fortress: a REALLY SERIOUS dry moat, at
least 10 metres deep and maybe 20 across, corner turrets and
battlements all round, with an orchard, a well, a huge chapel and
dozens of armouries, stables and barrack like buildings within. The
German occupiers loved it - 4 machine guns, floodlights and it's
protected. Also plenty of ideal (20 ft thick) walls for firing squads.
It now houses in separate buildings the archives of the three armies
(Terre, Mer, Air) plus a museum of army badges, uniforms and colours,
real train-spotting stuff.
NO COMPUTERS IN HERE: instead you fill in your forms in triplicate by
hand and have your boxes or bundles delivered by service personnel: the
young female squaddy in battledress and boots was kinda disconcerting.
The curator at the desk is a two-pipper in the trad green sweater that
is off-duty gear. Last time here I had one afternoon on
Adjutant-General Belliard's log book for the 1796 campaign of General
Augereau's Division. Can't get much more of a primary source than that.
Start by copying the lot out since they won't let me photocopy it. That
first involves deciphering the relevant entry. Crikey. Now I have two
whole days for related matters.
By now it's 4.30 and the place closes at 5.00. They bring me the
personal file of General Augereau (later Marshal and Duke). No index
and 281 disordered items: his promotions, appraisals, Legion of Honour,
numerous Etats de service, loads concerned with his widow's pension....
but then EUEREKA. I almost do a Meg Ryan in silent the reading room.
[To be continued]
4. SEARCH ENGINES
-----------------
[HELD OVER]
5. SMALL ADS
------------
NUFFIELD THEATRE STUDIO
Tonight, Tomorrow and Thursday
LANCASTER THEATERVERBAND
presents
in German
MUTTER COURAGE UND IHRE KINDER
by Berthold Brecht
-------------------
VISITING UNIVERSITY TEACHERS WANTED: I am the Director of
International Program at Siam University in Bangkok,Thailand. Fax
662-457-3982, 662-868-4358. Email: rengson@email.siam.th.edu
We welcome university teachers in English, social sciences,
accounting, management, business administration for our International
Program which uses English as medium of instruction. Local language
knowledge is helpful but not necessary.
We pay local salary with housing allowance. Applicants with Bachelor's
or Master's degrees are welcome in fields of English, social sciences.
MBA preferred in business fields. Master's degrees in specialized
business fields are also highly sought after. Pls forward CV's to
Rengson Mualchontham, Director, Siam University, 235 Petkasem Rd.,
Parse-charoen, Bangkok 10163, Thailand or by email.
-------------
ITEMS FOR SALE, (leaving 6-bed house for 2-bed cottage) SMALL ANTIQUE
ROCKING-CHAIR, some work needed; 19-piece bone CHINA TEA-SERVICE,
pretty cowslip pattern; PAIR OF OAK DINING CHAIRS; Ikea TABLE LAMP also
black stand for music centre; various LONG VELVET CURTAINS, good
quality, brown, blue, gold, green; two Egyptian leather pouffes; 1920s
7-piece BEDROOM SUITE: dark oak twin beds with head/foot-boards;
two-door wardrobe with central bevelled full-length mirror and drawers
with recessed brass handles; dressing table with triple bevelled
mirrors and matching stool, chest of drawers, bedside cabinet, COAT
STAND with hooks; framed print of Bosch's GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS
with 2 books on the painting; good quality FOLDING BED (headboard makes
useful flat top), 2 Prestlige pressure cookers Contact Lynda Burke,
tel. 841169, e-mail Castlecomm@compuserve.com
------------------
TRANSLATION, INTERPRETING, TRANSCRIBING, PROOFREADING, WORDPROCESSING
(and CV design as well): full-time all-the-year-round professional
service.Contact Lynda Burke at CASTLE TRANSLATIONS, tel. 841169, e-mail
Castlecomm@compuserve.com
---------------------
WANTED: One or two-bedroom flat/house for rent in Lancaster,
preferably furnished, reasonably close to City Centre. Longish (year)
lease preferred, but short-term considered. Contact Sujatha Raman at
Centre for Science Studies. E-mail: s.raman@lancaster.ac.uk. Tel:
593701 or leave a message at 388871.
-------------------
Tuesday, March 2nd (week 8), Furness S.C.R., 4.30 p.m.
Nigel Smith
(Keble College, Oxford)
'Of Food, Filth and Slavery: Diet and Radicalism
in 17th- and 18th-century England.'
Vegetarian practice was a consequence of some of the extreme religious
views of the mid-seventeenth-century. The tradition survived through
the activities and writings of Thomas Tryon (1634-1704) down to the
late eighteenth-century, and was used to generate a complete political
economy and an attack upon colonialism and slavery.
Next Meeting: Tuesday, 16th March, 4.00 (week 10): Sarah Barber (Lancaster).
'The dialectic of prejudice.'
--------------------------
SCHUBERT CELLO QUINTET
Belcea String Quartet
Adam Klocek (cello)
Haydn String Quartet in E flat Op 64 No 6
Brahms String Quartet No 2 in A minor Op 51
Schubert String Quintet in C Op 163 D956
An opportunity to hear one of the most exciting young ensembles of the
decade. Thursday 4 March at 7.30pm
Supported by North West Classical Music Tours
Tickets #9.50 (#9.00), #7.50 (#7.00) Students #5.00
Box Office 5-93729
-------------------------
THE IREDELL LECTURE IN LAW AND HISTORY
This year's Iredell Lecture in History and Law will take place on 4
March 1999 at 6.00 p.m. in the Faraday Lecture Theatre. Professor
Morton Horwitz (Harvard Law School) will deliver a lecture entitled
'The United States Supreme Court and American Democracy'.
The Lecture is likely to address the Supreme Court's efforts in the
fields of de- segregation and civil liberties, the consequences of
judicial activism for social democracy and the impeachment of President
Clinton.
All welcome
--------------------
AUT SURGERY: Brian Everett and Dawn Samwell of AUT head office will be
in attendance on campus (in North Spine Seminar Rooms) from 13.00 -
15.00 on Wednesday 10 March. After a short talk from Brian about the
AUT campaign on casualisation, Brian and Dawn will be available to
discuss personal issues in confidence. If you want to make a special
booking, please contact Chris Kynch via Economics p/holes, otherwise
just turn up. John Wakeford, Hon Sec.
------------
CENTRE FOR SCIENCE STUDIES
Wednesday 3 March, 4 - 5.30 pm
C70 Bowland Tower East
Vivian Walshe, CROMTEC, UMIST
'From taxol to TaxolTM: Tensions betwen cancer chemotherapy, biodiversity,
public science and proprietary knowledge
ALL WELCOME
-----------------
PLEASANT ROOM in dormer-bungalow available for next academic year
starting any time from July onwards. House is shared by two others, a
post-grad male and a female student nurse at St.Martins. It is situated
in Chequers Avenue in Bowerham, a quiet, safe residential street. Room
on offer is on the first floor, facing out onto fields. Off street
parking available. Very friendly housemates, all modern appliances and
gadgets you can think of. Rent is 40pounds/week (excluding bills)to a
surprisingly good landlord. Replies to: e.arney@lancaster.ac.uk.
----------------------
6. READERS' LETTERS
-------------------
I suspect a relationship between Alice in Wonderland and Franz Kafka
and fear that I'm working in their offspring.
----------------------------------
Re; the Web hi-jack. I don't see what withdrawing ISS accounts will
achieve since the miscreant student's activities over the weekend were
done allegedly from his own PC running linux.
-----------------------------
One day, an unscrupulous academic discovered how to make perfect 20
pound notes. This was a rather unpleasant process and he could only
make about 5 notes/hour. Materials for each note cost him 3 pounds
which had to be paid in advance before he could make any notes so his
net profit on each note was 17 pounds. He worked out that he therefore
could make about 85 pounds an hour. (Not much for an accountant maybe
but it was considerably more than he earned as an academic.)
He dreamed of holidays in Jamaica with dusky maidens serving his every
need.
However, a greedy administrator who had control over his money told
him that he would have to pay a tax of 5 pounds for every note that he
made, that he would have to give 5 pounds to his neighbours who
preferred to read books rather than make money and that he would have
to save 5 pounds for the future (tho' it wasn't clear that he would
ever be allowed to spend it and spending on dusky maidens was
expressely forbidden).
He thought about this for a while and worked out that this left him
with 2 pounds per note and a net hourly rate of 10 pounds an hour. Even
academics are paid more than this so he decided that this money-making
lark wasn't worth the bother. So he went back to reading books.
Ian Sommerville
Computing
------------------------------
Is there, in addition to the staff cricket club, a staff football club
or team? Or alternatively is anyone is interested in founding such an
organisation?
Paul Fletcher
Religious Studies
---------------------------------
Having followed the debate on cars and the environment, I would like
to make a request to inkytext fans who drive: PLEASE PICK UP
HITCH-HIKERS! Very few of us are axe-murderers. All we want is a lift
off (or onto) campus. In the last three years I've noticed a serious
fall in the number of drivers stopping to give lifts. I can't figure
out why there are more drivers, but our thumbs are colder.
Anonymous hitch-hiker
---------------
Your comment on the spelling of 'practicing' in the title of the IMPM
degree misses the international nature of the progam(me).
The British faculty (tutors; dons; academics?) who represent Lancaster
in the management of the degree have frequently assumed the
'practising' you suggest, naturally following the Oxford Dictionary for
Writers and Editors.
But the same impeccable source points to the problem. American English
uses 'practicing'. This is therefore seen as correct by our North
American and Japanese collaborators. Sadly, the Indian representatives,
who are mainly educated in American institutions, support them and the
French are happy, as always, to savour Anglo-Saxon division.
We therefore concede the issue, knowing that the linguistic
sophistication of our Lancaster academic colleagues will effortlessly
accomodate [NOTE: accomModate (Ed.)] this transatlantic note and that
the concession represents exactly the willingness to embrace cultural
diversity appropriate in collaborative activity undertaken by an
international University. I presume that Inkytext would applaud such
sensitivity to the diverse forms of English.
And it is inconceivable that the Academic Registrar would have
accepted a spelling error in a course proposal. She must have seen the
point.
Oliver Westall
[NOTE: Well, to be honest I was at first reluctant to believe you, but
for your last point of course. A quick Web search confirms what you
say, and throws up a few thou examples, e.g.
"The Affiliated Conference of Practicing Accountants is a worldwide
association..."
"The Association of Practicing CPAs Site offers information...."
"Practicing charted accountant has over 25 years of client-service..."
"Toastmasters International: Worldwide network of clubs where people
develop their public speaking skills by practicing in a comfortable
environment..."
"Select a law specialty and get an alphabetized list of lawyers
practicing in that field, with links to their sites."
"American Bar Association. The ABA is composed of practicing lawyers,
judges and other legal professionals."
"Crash Landing: Label practicing basic indie survival strategies -
growing or foraging for sustenance."
Somewhat grudgingly therefore, I take your point, while remaining
persuaded that firmer negotiation (cf Rambouillet) could have won a
title acceptable to all parties, such as the Practice of Management or
even Practical Management. Gerunds governed by prepositions are a bitty
colloquial at the best of times. (Ed.)]
------------------------------------------
Unless Simon Slavin, Computing Officer for Psychology has received a
special limited edition of Inkytext, a careful re-reading will show
that I didn't write the letter about html. Further down the 'column' he
will find I recommend plain Ascii as being the most economical way of
using available network time. If you don't need exotic backgrounds and
fancy graphics - and let's face it, they usually make pages less easy
to read, why waste time sending multiple copies over a hard pressed
network?
Paul Mullineaux (really!)
----------------------------------------
Your correspondent says she likes cyclists and even finds them
'inspirational'. Due to lack of facilities one more frequently finds
them merely perspirational. Raising the parking charges before cheaper
transport options have been provided just leaves me poorer, peeved by
the greens and suspicious of the university's motives.
-----------------------------
I am presently working for Intel. You know, the manufacturers of the
dreaded Pentium range of microprocessors .... Well they have just
launched their Pentium III and Pentium III Xeon processors and I am
charged with heading a team of linguists who have to track how the new
processors are being advertised and how much spend is being given to
the ads published in newspapers and magazines from all over the world.
It is fairly exciting most days, although I have to admit, keeping the
Eastern Europeans from the throats of the Latin Americans is an arduous
task that only I can do! I guess you can imagine the extent of our
culture clash.
Anna Reid
----------------------------
It's all well and good this discussion about cars verses bikes but
please spare a thought (a lift would be better!!) for all those
hitchers who cannot afford either, let alone the outrageous bus fare!
So, car drivers of Lancaster, please pick up a shivering hitcher as
they stand about in the cold, forever waiting for a lift!
David Kestell
Cold hitch-hiker!
-----------------------------
I don't know if you'd heard that I've joined the growing band of
Lancaster exiles in Nottingham. This came after 18 months at
Southampton - which brought home to me just how good an institution
Lancaster had been, apart that is from one or two management decisions
straight out of Capt. 'Titanic' Smith's manual of navigation.
Anyhow, now I'm here, and at last my old Lancaster email account can
be terminated, having served its purpose. I hope you'll be happy to
transfer my InkyText sub to the address given below. Many thanks - and
long may you continue!
Anthony Pople
Nottingham
---------------------
Here's another of those circulating Internet pieces that I
particularly liked: A transcript of the new answering service recently
installed at the Mental Health Institute.
[NOTE: Umm. Not too sure how PC it is to mock mental conditions, in
fact pretty sure it's not. Still, we can all recognize some of these
symptoms in ourselves from time to time and at least it's educational.
(Ed.)]
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are
co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969. If you have a nervous
disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes
on line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone
number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden
name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If
you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, Please hang up. All our operators are too busy
to talk to you.
This has been a recording. Press any number to repeat.
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NEXT ISSUE:
Pascal Desmond on motorists; Search engines; the Roman Millennium
problem; University as a Community Strategy Group; more ranting on
standards, Letter on Linux, your contribution...?