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INKYTEXT 189
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ISSUE No 189 ESTABLISHED 1993 THURSDAY 12 DECEMBER 1996
WRITTEN IN LANCASTER: READ WORLDWIDE
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EDITORIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS
In order to harmonize with the University's other austerity measures
there will be no Christmas issue this year. (Attempts to postpone or
reschedule Christmas until such time as resources permit have so far
found no sympathy with Higher Authority.) The production department is
pleased to report that the redesigned masthead results in savings of
over 900 bytes per issue with no loss of information. This more than
meets the further 3 percent efficiency gain required of universities
by the Budget.
AGENDA
1. Council Report: Grinding down
2. News: Where are all the Christmas trees?
3. The Death of Pollux by L.M. Newman
4. Small Ads
5. Assorted gems from the Net
6. Readers' Letters
1. COUNCIL REPORT
-----------------
Like a blowzy whore doing overtime, like a wheezy bulldozer racing
slowly to finish a contract, like an interminable sub-Mahlerian
symphony, Council ground mercilessly on from 2.15 to 8.25, crushing
objections, tossing aside details, burying unread small print that'll
rise again to haunt us before Easter.
At the end, with over half the membership gone and others too fretful
to care what happened, Deputy Pro-Chancellor David Martin was driven to
point out to the top table how this was yet again an intolerable way to
conduct business. No sign alas of a wish to change these ancient ways.
Perhaps some prefer that proposals should be inadequately scrutinized
and that Council's role should be performed in this purely formal and
largely ineffectual manner.
Business opened after lunch with urgent oral announcements and late
news, though the concept of urgency is rarefied in a body that meets
only every three months.
The latest version of the Recovery Plan was presented by the VC,
complete with slides, before tea. Discussion afterwards was eased by
the fact that few could remember much of the vast and firm detail he
had outlined. Many questions remain unanswered but the plan clearly
assumes the loss one way or another of 40 academic posts. The actual
document contains some ambiguity - it suggests that number includes
internal redeployment.
The areas on which these losses will be focussed is still officially
to be resolved by Senate on 22 January, with the RAE results having
some impact on current plans - perhaps. The committee involved (Sir
Christopher, Professor Shennan, Professor Mackenzie, etc.) is to tailor
deals to tempt individuals targeted.
Further equivalent administrative losses were alluded to. These are
never specified in so much detail but seem to be of equivalent
magnitude. The Secretary has been ex officio added to the body making
the proposals, which some fear will make it less radical than had been
intended. As stated severance packages cannot now exceed 15 months
salary in any individual case.
The revised Committee structure was approved, concentrating hands in
ever smaller bodies before the mill-owners take over. Students, omitted
by oversight, were added in appropriate doses - but no back-benchers.
The Treasurer happily approved the abolition of this post and its
replacement by a Chair of the Finance Committee, pointing out that the
title Treasurer might mistakenly lead outsiders to assume he had powers
and responsibilities that he did not. (This never seemed to trouble
former holders of the office.)
He spoke at length to the Accounts, emphasizing that the 10 million
loss on the year was entirely attributable to the 6m spent on
severance, and the 4m cost of losing Charlotte Mason. Little mention of
the ludicrous and destructive privations needed to make the rest
balance, and which are still in force. The former Finance Officer was
mentioned with unhealthy frequency.
Mr Gordon, acting Finance Officer, was asked how the Charlotte Mason
figure squared with costs estimated in the summer. He declared himself
ignorant of these and unable to comment. Numerous questions were left
unanswered.
The pay settlement for academics to be assumed in the new budget is
1.5 percent.
Debenture holders are to be asked to agree that we defer the
establishment of the sinking fund to repay the debenture capital. If
they agreed this would generate a further short term saving of 2.5
million or so.
Professor Watson seemed to express some concern, on behalf of the
Deans, about whether the 'definite' savings already assumed were in
fact achievable, echoing in effect the view, long promulgated here,
that the current level of austerity is itself unsustainable to the
year's end.
By the time the meeting reached administrative reform Professors
Davies and Deem had already gone and Professor Abercrombie confessed
himself unable to answer all the points of detail concerning the
controversial paper. He reluctantly agreed that an interim report
on administrative changes and cut-backs would be made to the March
meeting of Council.
That same body will have to take decisions on student rents - an
interim 'holding' paper by the Provost of Colleges reported wishes to
avoid amalgamations but left few figures as hostages. Gay Webb
suggested the College and Student Support Board should have insisted on
the amalgamations (the college principals being interested parties in
the decision).
Proposals to reduce the number of Student Union sabbaticals to 4 were
debated without much result - a reduction from 6 to 5 seems the likely
outcome.
2. NEWS
-------
THE GOOD NEWS: Employers' superannuation contributions to USS are to
be cut in January by about 4 percent. This should produce a further
saving of around 400K on our salary bill. In other universities this
bonus is being used for all sorts of sensible good causes. For us it
helps reduce the overdraft.
THE BAD NEWS: the 500K figure initially estimated as the bonus from
extra overseas graduate registrations is being played down - claims
that some of it was assumed already anyway and that the net new figure
may be as little as 100K. Suspicions in the Business School that this
means TPTB want to keep the cash in the centre and not redistribute any
to departments that earned it. There is now a suspicious whiff of
politics about all official denials that financial news can be good.
WELCOME TO LU NEWS, the new university newsletter and economy
successor to NewsView. The first issue due out on Thursday. They will
be available from most reception desks, most "Newsview" stands and
departments should receive a batch each. They will also be available
from the Press Office, Room C25a, University House.
VISITORS TO CAMPUS comment on the absence of Christams decorations
this year: almost no college trees and precious little tinsel. None of
the usual signs of enthusiasm to decorate bars and JCRs.
THE LIBRARY OPAC SERVER is now linked to the library homepage
(http://www.lancs.ac.uk/users/library/library.htm) thanks to a
brilliant Web interface written by Ian Richardson. A brief introduction
can be found on the Library News page.
A distinct URL for the OPAC server will be available shortly -
meanwhile either http://opac or http://148.88.10.104/ will get you onto
the service.
Please bear in mind that this is a pilot service & is still under
development. Not all the functions of OPAC are available at present,
but can be expected RSN.
CONTINUING WORRIES about the urgent disposal of book stocks formerly
held in the basement stacks of the Library and currently in temporary
storage at White Cross (the lease expires in April).
THE 1997 ECONOMIST DIARY contains some useful tables. One lists
midpoint salaries today and expresses them as a percentage of their
1938 purchasing power. Things have changed in 48 years:
1996 salary percentage of 1938
purchasing power
Airline pilot 61K 149
Doctor (GP) 44K 116
University Professor 38K 90
Schoolteacher 21K 145
Solicitor 36K 141
Accountant aged 30 27K 177
Factory worker 17K 247
Agricultural worker 12K 291
Train driver 21K 243
Bus driver 13K 148
Shop assistant 8K 148
THE UNIVERSITY COURT meets on Saturday. This is the annual 2 hour
burble of the university's 'convocation', where every relevant national
and local body, MPs, councils, learned societies, the RSPCA, etc, etc,
join with Senate and Council to elect a Pro-Chancellor and Deputy
Pro-Chancellors, to hear the Treasurer explain how sound the accounts
are, and to pass pious resolutions that cannot be ignored.
3. THE DEATH OF POLLUX by L.M. NEWMAN
-------------------------------------
On the night of Tuesday 26 or in the early morning of Wednesday 27
November one of the peacocks sustained a grave injury in the apparently
safe courtyard of Bowland College.
The cause is unknown, but the nature of his injury suggests that his
foot had been trapped somewhere, conceivably in a piece of wire, a door
or a window ...? (The peacocks are reported to have been found inside
doors and in an upstairs kitchen at Bowland College, having flown in
through the window.)
In tearing himself free the peacock fractured his leg obliquely above
the spur and ruptured his tibial artery. The ensuing loss of blood,
which continued for several hours until he was found, proved fatal to
his foot which required amputation. Clearly a lame peacock could not
survive, for he is essentially a running and roosting bird, who also
uses his toes to dig and search for food, to say nothing of the support
needed for his train. It is therefore with great sadness that the
decision was taken to end his life.
This peacock, who may have enjoyed various noms de plume, was known to
the writer as Pollux (his brother being Castor). They were the sons of
the two exceptionally handsome original peafowl and were successfully
raised with two sisters in 1993 before each of their parents succumbed
in separate road accidents. One of his sisters is here still, while the
other was given away with her chicks last year. The second surviving
hen is thought to be a daughter of Castor.
Be that as it may, scientifically speaking, Pollux enjoyed a higher
level of testosterone and had been videotaped as part of a study of
courtship ritual at Liverpool University. His fan was considered to be
larger than Castor'’s and to contain more eye-spots. (Hens select their
mates according to the number of ocelli in the fan and their symmetry.)
His annual moult took place a month later than Castor'’s, and anyone
watching the enthusiasm, indeed obsessiveness, with which he displayed,
and hearing the stamping of his feet and rattling of his quills at the
moment of climax, could have imagined himself in the presence of a
tribal warrior.
Each of the cocks had his own territory, although they paired up quite
often when the courting season was over. Pollux particularly relished
the sunshine of Alexandra Square, pacing along the steps as he might
have done on a Palladian terrace, or scrutinising the wall of Bowland
College for insects. He also enjoyed a dust-bath in the circular flower
tubs, digging himself in, scattering plants and earth, his plumage
miraculously changing from the classic moss/viridian/emerald through
radiant blue to a deep purple and fawn in the strong sunlight.
The Chaplaincy Centre and the Telephone Exchange were other favourite
places. But during the whole of last season, frustrated by the building
of the Library extension and of Ruskin, and driven out from the copse
which they replace, Pollux adopted the low roof between ISS and
University House as his own. Its parapet enabled him to tease his human
audience by appearing or disappearing at will. One could be tantalised
by the tips of a wildly agitating fan or rewarded (but rarely) by the
splendour of a full train hanging down the outer side of the wall.
Sometimes one would see two hens anxiously peeking down, as if to
reassure themselves that the rest of the world was still in the same
place. Otherwise, in summer, Pollux roosted in a large oak-tree, whose
fork admirably supported his train, or, in winter, on a ledge between
the Bookshop and Library. Thus Library users enjoyed the bonus of an
eye-level view of his coppery-gold train. Windy days saw all four
peafowl sheltering in the courtyards of Bowland or Lonsdale.
A haughty, imperious nature led Pollux to spurn human company and even
proffered nuts, grain, or seeds, when he so chose. But he was tame,
would run to greet his friends, eat from the hand, and was
comparatively fearless. This may have been his undoing, for he seems to
have strayed into human territory, unaware of the dangers associated
with it.
It is for us who are responsible for these wonderful, symbolic birds,
whose beauty has inspired poets, artists, and musicians throughout the
centuries, to recognise that their laws are different from our own.
They should be left free, not tempted with unsuitable food, and, above
all, neither enticed, nor helped into buildings. We can help them by
respecting their needs, for instance, clearing away broken glass, which
might otherwise lodge in a toe, or providing safe shelter in bad
weather. We are their servants not they our household pets.
4. SMALL ADS
------------
CHRISTMAS CAROLS
AND OTHER SEASONAL CHORAL AND INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
old and new, with festive refreshments;
Christ Church, Broadway, Morecambe
Wednesday December 18th 1996, 7.30 pm
Singers and players of Morecambe and District Philharmonic Society and
Lancaster Community Music Centre. Tickets and programme details from
Robin McIlveen 015242 21693, or at the door.
---------------
PRINTS FOR CHRISTMAS Members of the University and their friends are
invited to a special viewing of prints for Christmas at the Peter Scott
Gallery on Thurs 12 December 1996. Please join us for wine and mince pies at
either lunchtime between 12 and 2pm or in the early evening between 5
and 8.00pm.
There will be the opportunity for you to view the new range of
original artist prints which we now sell. These are limited edition
prints obtained through our contacts with London galleries, and with
the individual artists themselves. The current range includes Henri
Matisse, Patrick Caulfield, Paula Rego, (Lancaster University Art Dept-
Gerry Davies, Emma Rose, Tony Heward) James Dodds, John Hoyland, Albert
Irvin, Norman Ackroyd, Bruce McLean, Hughie O'Donoghue. We plan to
expand the range to include more work by artists from the North West
and outside the region.
Prices from 70 - 1,000. The prints are available to view at other times
by appointment. Please 'phone the gallery on (59)3057.
-------------
ADMISSION TUTORS: If you are arranging tours of the University for
groups of prospective students and their parents we would welcome
inclusion of the Peter Scott Gallery in the tour.
A member of the gallery staff will be able to give a brief talk about
the gallery, collections, current exhibition.
----------
NEXT EXHIBITION AT THE PETER SCOTT GALLERY Gerry Davies 'Deluges and
other works on paper' 13 Jan -21 Feb 1997 Open Mon-Fri 12-5pm & Late
night Thurs 6-8.30pm Free
----------
*DELETED*
5. ASSORTED SMALL FRY CAUGHT IN THE NET
---------------------------------------
1. COMPAQ is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any"
key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old
diskettes. After trouble- shooting for magnets and heat failed to
diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the
diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy
back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to
hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing
the room to close the door to his room.
6. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was
plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the
power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's
mouse.
8. A true story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's
because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional,
at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it
have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything
about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he
couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer
of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
4. READERS' LETTERS
-------------------
Well, it's over a week since I sent off a message to the 'votetaker'
asking whether there was still anyone trying to set up a nazi newsgroup
on usenet,(rec-music.white.power or whatever) and there's been no
reply. They've probably had so many letters over the years they've
given up responding. I've already heard of at least one person who's
now had the posting forwarded to him by 2 people this week. Somehow I
reckon this thing will still be doing the rounds in twenty years time
along with 'MAKE $$$MONEY$$$ FAST!!! I suspect the original was
probably a hoax as there was no date on it, or if I really want to get
paranoid, maybe the votetaker address is really an address to compile
all the e-mail addresses of people who are anti-nazis.
Tim Willis
-------------------------
Presumably, any University employee on Council who expected to be home
in time for tea and isn't, and who withdrew their labour on the day of
action, could then ask for less than the 1/260 of salary to be
deducted?
No? Didn't think so.
-------------------------
Science at Lancaster is 'Small but Beautiful'
Todays THES (6/12/96) lists the other and more important ISI table the
Guardian did not print earlier in the week. When ranked by citations
per paper, Lancaster comes second in Physics and third in both
Ecology/Environment AND Plant and Animal Science. Outside Oxbridge,
only UCL and ICL have 4 places in the top 3 for the various areas and
Sussex, Durham, and East Anglia also 3 each [the latter is due to their
many MAFF and BBSRC research institutes nearby]. York has only one
place - in Education.
-------------------------
A number of us will have received the latest (enviably professional)
"Development News" from Oxford - part of their continuing highly
successful appeal for funds. It quotes a remark by Bodley's 22nd
Librarian that seems apposite to unfolding events here:
"If there is any central core in the University, it is the Bodleian -
the engine-house of Oxford - where the raw material of scholarship is
stored."
In Lancaster, where the Librarian is now proposing to dispose of books
and runs of journals on the grounds that they are "old", attitudes to
research and scholarship (and librarianship) seem rather different.
----------------
Who are these lunatics in high places, who claimed that it was
justified to bankrupt us for a library which cannot have books ? How
many PCs and terminals would be needed to cater for our our students
numbering far in excess of TEN THOUSAND.
It appears more like yet another excuse for megalomaniac white
elephant concrete.
------------------------------
ECONOMY CHRISTMAS WINE RECOMMENDATION: 1993 Vacqueyras from ASDA